Fire and Ice
by Random1377
Summary: Everything starts falling apart as Asuka retreats from Rei's presence... and the final battle starts to rage, catching all in a whirlwind of pain and sadness.  Rated R for language and adult situations. Part 7 online, part 6 rewritten and online.
1. Fire and Ice

Disclaimer: Gainax owns Evangelion, I do not, and I will remove this story faster than you can say LAWSUIT... rather than actually face one. Also, this is a HUGE departure for me, as it is an Asuka/Rei fic. I have never tried anything even remotely like this before, so if it is godawful, I'm really sorry.  
  
Fire and ice  
By Random1377  
  
Rei Ayanami stared at Asuka Langley Souryu as she sobbed. Shinji Ikari had left many minutes ago, unable to cope with the harsh words the redhead had thrown at him. They were very harsh indeed, but Rei understood that the girl was in agony on a very deep level... and could not fathom why Shinji - who shared the girl's LIVING SPACE - would not comfort her.  
  
-She is in pain...- Rei thought as Asuka wiped her eyes once more, -I... must do something.-  
  
She approached the yellow tape and stood where Shinji had, her hands at her sides. "Pilot Souryu?" she called quietly, "May I speak with you?"  
  
Asuka twisted around, putting one hand on the ground for balance, "You..." her voice quaked with rage, "you bitch! Did you come to rub it in? That I needed to be saved?" she wiped her eyes quickly, determined not to let the pale girl see her crying.  
  
Rei looked at the fury in her eyes and shook her head slowly, "No," she said plainly, "I came to offer you comfort, since you-"  
  
"I don't need your damn comfort!" Asuka spat, "I don't need anyone!"  
  
"Then why do you tremble?" Rei whispered, stepping forward and breaking through the tape, "An individual cannot exist in a void... there must be contact with others..."  
  
"What would you know?" Asuka said, a cruel smile crossing her face, "You only do what you're told to do!"  
  
Rei knelt at her side, "No one told me to speak to you... I chose to."  
  
Asuka frowned, "I don't believe you, Misato-"  
  
"Major Katsuragi is unaware that I am here," Rei cut in smoothly, "only you and I know that I have broken the quarantine."   
  
Asuka looked to the broken tape, her frown deepening. As she was distracted, she did not notice Rei leaning forward until the girl's arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a gentle embrace.  
  
"You let me go!!" the blue-eyed girl screamed, struggling to get free, "I hate you!"  
  
"I will not," Rei replied calmly, holding her tighter than before. It was not easy, as the plugsuits were very low friction material, and the were both still damp from the LCL, "I will not release you, Pilot Souryu... you are in pain... let me ease it."  
  
"What would you know about pain, you fucking DOLL!!" the other girl screamed, "You don't know what I feel, you don't even HAVE feelings!!"  
  
Rei's voice was steady, "I am not a doll... and I do have feelings. It... pains me, to see you suffer."  
  
"Why..." Asuka's voice shook, "Why would you care for me? WHY!? I never asked you too!"  
  
"A person does not need a reason to care," Rei whispered, "but if you require one to accept my help, I will tell you that I admire your strength... and your courage... and your determination... is that enough...?"  
  
Asuka stopped fighting momentarily and Rei let her pull back a bit face her, "You're just... you pity me..." she said quietly, "you feel sorry for me... I don't want your pity!!"  
  
"I do not feel sorry for you, you are the one who chose to enter combat when I had been designated," her words caused Asuka's jaw to drop, "but I do feel sorry for what happened to you," Rei went on quietly, "no one should have to experience what you experienced..."  
  
Asuka's voice became uncertain, "You're... trying to trick me..." Rei could see the glimmer of hope in her eyes... the hope that this was not true.  
  
"I am not," she said, embracing the girl once more, "I am merely trying to reach you..."  
  
Asuka tried to push away again, "No... you... don't like me, no one does!!"  
  
Rei did not know what to do... the redhead would not listen to reason. "I DO like you... Asuka," the girl's first name came awkwardly to her, "how can I show you that?"  
  
"I don't... I..." Asuka pulled away, her eyes meeting Rei's, -Does she care? NO! How could she... but... is it possible?- her mind felt like it was on fire. "You've... you've NEVER liked me! Why are you pretending to now?" her voice held a desperate edge.  
  
Rei looked surprised, "When have I ever said that I dislike you?"  
  
"You've never showed that you cared, so you must not!" Asuka continued to try and pull away.  
  
"I... do not express my feelings very well..." Rei said softly, "but that does not mean they are not there. How can I make you believe that I care that you are in pain?" She leaned forward abruptly and kissed Asuka on the cheek.  
  
-She... I... what is she...- Asuka's mind could not translate what was happening into rational thought. -Her lips are soft...- part of her mind noted, -STOP HER!- another voice commanded, -She's a GIRL! This is wrong!!- but she found that she could not do anything... her shock was complete. -This is wrong...- her mind repeated desperately, -I like... I like boys...- but she could not deny the soothing effect that being held by another - any other - was having on her.   
  
Rei pulled back, "Is that proof enough?" she asked quietly.  
  
Asuka slapped her. "How DARE you?!" she screamed at the surprised girl, "How dare you kiss me, you freak!"  
  
Rei rubbed her cheek, "I... I wanted to show that I care for you..." she said haltingly. -I... did not know that it would feel so nice...- she thought.  
  
She pulled away from Asuka and stood on unsteady feet, "I..." her hand went to her lips, as if trying to dispel the lingering feeling of Asuka's skin... or perhaps trying to recall it, "I am sorry... I did not mean to... to..." For the first time in her life, Rei Ayanami did something she had never thought herself capable of... she ran.   
  
She ran blindly from the other girl, her head down and her eyes barely open, -What does this mean?- she thought, running faster, -Why... why would I feel this way? I do not understand...-   
  
When she reached the locker room, she collapsed on the floor, whispering in confusion, "What is happening to me? What is this feeling?" she threw her head back, "Why can I not stop thinking of her face!?"   
  
Finding no answers from the harsh florescent lights, she curled into a ball on the floor, unable to deal with the overwhelming rush of unfamiliar emotions, the memory of the blue-eyed girl's skin... and the unexpected warm feeling that was still lingering deep within her.  
  
Asuka sat in stunned silence as the other girl ran away, still trying to comprehend what had happened between them. -She... kissed me...- she thought, staring at the ground. -That bitch! I...- she frowned deeply, "I didn't... like it, did I?" she whispered. She put her hand to her cheek, "If I did does that mean I'm... what DOES that mean?"  
  
She looked in the direction that Rei had gone, thinking about what she should do next. Uncertainty swirled within her. One thing she knew for sure, though - the feeling that she had been filled with when Rei embraced her could only be one thing... happiness.  
  
Continued... (Yes, continued)  
  
Author's notes: Ok, I've modified it to adjust for Rei and Asuka's characterization... I hope. I've also toned it down a bit. I'm not saying they WON'T kiss in a future chapter (if I even take it past chapter 2, which is already near completion, and I refuse to abandon), but as several reviewers pointed out, Rei would not be that bold, and Asuka would not be that calm about it initially - even if she DID like it, she would NEVER admit it so fast by kissing Rei back. I hope this hits better.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.  



	2. Why do we love?

Disclaimer: see part 1 for disclaimer  
  
Part 2  
Why do we love?  
By Random1377  
  
Rei lay on her bed, unmoving... the picture of utmost calm. Closer inspection however would reveal that her thoughts were anything but. Her eyes kept shifting from the ceiling to the door, as if she expected a visitor any minute.  
  
-Where is he?- she thought, coming as close to aggravation as she ever did, -I must speak with him...-  
  
It had been two days since she had kissed Asuka, and subsequently run away. She still was unsure of what had caused this reaction in her, and she intended to find out. She had not gone to school that day or the day prior, afraid of what she might see in Asuka's eyes. This had prompted a call from Shinji, wondering if she was ok. She said that she was fine, then inspiration struck her, 'Ikari... I need to speak with you. Will you come see me after school?'  
  
'Yeah...' he had said, sounding nervous, 'what do you want to talk about?'  
  
She had merely repeated her request, and hung up the phone. Now it was well past the end of school, and she was growing vaguely frustrated, "Ikari... he will know." She said to herself quietly. Why she thought the boy might have an answer to her problem, she did not know... but she was sure he would.  
  
Finally there was a soft knock on her door, "Come in," she said, rising to her feat.  
  
"Ayanami? You wanted to see me?" Shinji came into the apartment cautiously. He had not been to her building since before Touji was injured.  
  
Rei wasted no time, "Yes. Ikari, what do you know of relationships?"  
  
"R-relationships?" he stuttered, "I... huh?"  
  
She motioned for him to come into the apartment and pointed at the lone chair, "Yes," she said as he sat down and let his school bag drop to the floor, "relationships between women and..." she paused, "men." She finished awkwardly.  
  
Shinji looked nervous, "Umm... I... not much, I'm afraid..." he admitted. He gave a short, edgy laugh, "It's a pretty broad question, Ayanami... is there something specific?"  
  
She considered him carefully, "How does a person know if they like another person enough to start a relationship?" she asked.  
  
He looked at the floor, "If you are asking me if I want to-"  
  
"I am not asking you to be in a relationship with me, Ikari..." she cut him off quickly.  
  
Oddly, it seemed to relieve the boy, "Oh... ok. Umm... I would guess that you feel that its ok inside, then you ask the other person if they would be willing to, and then... I..." he broke off, "I guess I really don't know..."   
  
Rei frowned, -This is of no help...- she thought with some irritation. "Very well," she said, moving on, "How do you know if you love someone?"  
  
He froze, "I... don't know..." he looked uncomfortable.  
  
She waited for a moment, then pressed, "Who do you love, Ikari?"  
  
He got to his feet, "I... have to go..." he was flushed a bright red.  
  
As he got to the door Rei said, "Ikari... if you will not tell me the one you love, at least tell me why you love?"  
  
His voice was small, "I... love more than one person, Rei... to explain why I love them would be... difficult... because I don't know if they love me..."  
  
She stepped closer, "Your statement makes no sense, Ikari... I asked why you love them... not why they love you. Love may be unrequited, correct?"  
  
"Yes..." he whispered, refusing to look at her, "it can..."  
  
He began to walk out the door, but she laid a hand on his arm, noting how he tensed, "Ikari... please. Why do you love if you know you are not loved in return?"  
  
"I... don't know Rei..." he sighed, "maybe deep down I hope that they will see that I love them, and love me back..." he turned to her, a sad smile on his face, "but I don't think that will ever happen, so I go to school... and I pilot EVA... and I hope." He gently broke away and walked out the door, leaving her to ponder his words.  
  
**  
  
Asuka rose quietly from her bed, unable to sleep. Shinji had come home several hours before, looking like someone had killed his dog and gone straight to his room, not saying a word to either her or Misato.  
  
"I like boys..." she whispered for possibly the thousandth time that night as she paced the length of her room. The truth of the statement did not make her feel any better, however, as the image of Rei's face, still stunned and blushing from kissing her cheeck, filled her vision.  
  
"Verdammung!" she cried in frustration, "What is the matter with me?? I shouldn't be thinking of her, I should be thinking of Kaji, or even moron-boy in the next room over, but not a girl! Let alone HER! AAARGGGHHHH!!!!"  
  
There was a knock on her door, "Asuka? Are you ok? I heard yelling..." she heard Misato pause, then giggle, "or is Shinji in there with you?"  
  
Asuka clapped her hands to the sides of her head, "This can't be happening..." she muttered, "I need advice and all I have to work with is Der Uber-drunk outside..." She sighed deeply and walked to the door, opening it to allow a very inebriated Misato into her room.  
  
Misato, who had been leaning against the door, stumbled into the room. Asuka, who KNEW that Misato would be leaning on the door, stepped to the side and linked her arm through her guardian's, stopping her from falling flat on her face, -I'm glad she's happy I'm ok, but two days of drinking?- She sighed, -She won't do me any good unconscious...- she apprised Misato's wide smile and flushed face, -of course... she may not do me too much good this way either...-  
  
Hoping that the woman would remember nothing the next day, Asuka went straight to the point, "Misato, have you ever kissed another woman?"  
  
Misato stared at Asuka for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Why, are you making a pass at me, Second Child?" she said in a low, seductive voice (at least, low for her... so she was practically yelling it).  
  
"Dammit Misato! I'm serious!" she released her arm, letting her fall finally to the floor.  
  
The major hit the floor with a satisfying thump (well, satisfying for Asuka, not for Misato). "Oww..." she said, rubbing her backside awkwardly, "I was just kidding, Asuka..." she looked up at her with slightly unfocussed eyes, "Yeah, I kissed some girls in college... I didn't like it, too soft." She smiled and hiccupped, "I like a man's strength and I love stubble," she giggled, "Like..." she seemed to sober slightly, "like Kaji."  
  
She rose to her feet and put her hand to her head, her buzz suddenly gone, "Why are you asking me this, Asuka?" she said, her voice now tired, "You know how I felt-FEEL about Kaji..."  
  
Asuka frowned at the comment, but let it slide, -she really IS tanked.- "Never mind, you're too drunk to help me." She started leading the woman from her room.  
  
"No, wait..." Misato dug in her heels as they reached the door, shaking her head to clear it, "really, Asuka... why do you want to know?"  
  
Asuka tensed, -What was I thinking, calling her in here... I can't TELL her!- "I... want to know how you knew you loved Kaji instead of a woman...- she cringed involuntarily, -Why did I say that??-  
  
"Why do I love...?" Misato whispered, staring at the floor, "the way I feel about Kaji... I just never got that from being with another woman." Her voice grew distant, "When he held me close, I felt like I was safe... like nothing could hurt me..." she didn't notice Asuka putting her hand over her mouth as she put her finger exactly on the feeling she had had in Rei's embrace.  
  
Misato looked at Asuka, her eyes still unfocussed, "I... slept with a woman... once..." she said, blushing at the confession, "she was... very gentle." She shook her head, "Too gentle, I guess... I liked the feeling of a man too much." A single tear ran down her cheek, "Afterwards I was... very mean to her."  
  
She embraced Asuka drunkenly, much to the young girl's dismay, "Asuka... promise me you won't make the same mistakes I did," she cried, "don't be mean to someone that tries to be nice to you... at least tell them no nicely..." her voice dropped low, "don't crush someone else because you're ashamed..."  
  
Asuka pushed her away firmly, "Misato, go to bed... you're drunk." She said sternly, "I didn't need to hear about your sex life! GOD!"  
  
Misato nodded, "Sorry...I... sorry..." she stumbled out of Asuka's room to her own and fell asleep, thinking as she drifted off of the girl she had coldly rejected after she had pursued her so hard. -I... just wanted to know... what it was like...- she told herself, -I never... meant for her to love me...- as she finally crossed the boundary into sleep, she knew that what she had done was wrong... and she was thankful the next day that she did not dream of her.  
  
After Misato had gone, Asuka sat back down on her bed with a sigh, "Safe..." she said quietly, raising her hand to her cheek unconsciously. -I should have known better than to have asked her, the sex fiend, about this...-   
  
"This is stupid!" she whispered fiercely. She opened her door quietly, listening for Misato's snores, then walked with a determined air towards Shinji's room...  
  
Continued...  
  
Author's notes: Yes, I know... Misato was on a strict coffee diet by this episode... but I figured she might use Asuka being rescued as a good excuse to fall off the wagon. Besides, they never say she has given up drinking ENTIRELY - hell, they never even SAY she's given it up at all, they just show her drinking coffee.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com  
  



	3. The way others see you

Disclaimer: see chapter 1  
  
Part 3  
The way others see you  
By Random1377  
  
"Shinji... Shinji wake up..." Asuka shook the boy gently, -Why is it so hard to wake him up? It's not like he hasn't slept for forty days...- "SHINJI!!"  
  
"Huh?" he finally stirred and sat up, "Asuka...? What is it, is there an angel?"  
  
"Do you hear any alarms?" she asked archly, "No, you idiot, I want to talk to you."  
  
He rubbed his eyes, "Talk? To me?" he sounded skeptical, "Sure, I guess... what about?"  
  
"Kiss me." She leaned forward.  
  
"WHAT?!" he backed away, covering his nose instinctively.  
  
"Oh, stop that!" she whispered angrily, "I want you to kiss me again, I promise I won't choke you this time."  
  
He looked at her, his lips pursed, "Umm... why? The last time you talked to me, you told me that you hated me."  
  
She flushed, "I was... upset... I don't hate you. Now kiss me, damnit!"  
  
He backed further away, his frown deepening, "No, Asuka..." his voice trembled, "you can't just say that... that you hate me and then turn around and expect me to ki-mmphh-"  
  
-I have to know...- Asuka thought, diving forward and forcing her lips against his. She kissed him desperately, pinning his arms to his bed and opening her mouth, pushing her tongue roughly into his mouth.  
  
Shinji tried to push her away, but she held him fast, ignoring everything but what she was feeling... unconsciously forcing Shinji into the same situation she faced just days ago, even if only on a lesser scale. -Yes... this is the way it should be...- she thought with some satisfaction. Yet in the back of her mind she could still feel Rei's arms around her.  
  
When she finally broke away, breathing hard, she said, "See? Now was that so ba-"  
  
"Get out..." his voice was low as he stared at the wall, "get out of my room, Asuka..."  
  
She stayed put. "No," she said defiantly, "I'm not going anywhere... I like it here with you." -I do... I... I think...-  
  
"Please!" his voice cracked and dropped to a whisper, "I... don't know what you want from me," he looked at her, his eyes full of confusion, "two days ago you said you hated me... before that you thought I was an idiot, and now you're kissing me... I don't understand..."  
  
She sat back, unsure, as he continued, "How do you see me? Do you see me as another pilot? As an annoyance? As a friend?" his voice shook, "...as more?"  
  
"I... don't know..." she admitted, "maybe a friend, I don't... I..." she trailed off.  
  
He gently pushed her off of him, "I don't..." he took a shuddery breath, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, Asuka... please leave me alone..."  
  
Silently she got off of his bed and left his room, more confused than when she had entered.  
  
As soon as she was gone, Shinji rolled onto his stomach and buried his head in his pillow, wondering how one of his most hidden fantasies could come true... and how come it when it had, it had been so bitter.  
  
**  
  
In the morning, Asuka walked to school alone. Shinji had insisted to Misato that he was sick, and refused to come out of his room. As she walked, Asuka thought about what had happened, -I know he wanted to kiss me...- she said to herself, -I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. And when I finally do, what happens? He kicks me out!-  
  
She tried to be indignant, but she kept flashing back to the hurt in his blue eyes, and him asking her softly to leave.  
  
Her mind raced in circles all day, -What if I am...- she thought as she ate her lunch alone, -what if I... like girls...?- The thought confused her. Was she actually considering it POSSIBLE? -I... liked kissing Shinji... I did.- And she had... but still, she thought of Rei holding her.  
  
The one redeeming detail of the day was the fact that the azure-haired girl had been absent again, sparing her the awkwardness of trying to come to terms with everything under her cool, vermilion gaze.  
  
Things took a turn for the worst during gym.  
  
She was talking to Hikari in the locker room about Touji's condition, trying to get her mind off of things, when Hikari began undressing.  
  
"...so with the prosthetics, he should be mostly ok." Hikari was saying, unaware that Asuka had frozen.  
  
-What is the matter with me...?- she asked, taking note for the first time of how attractive her friend was, -Do I... like her?- the thought terrified her. -Am I not normal? Oh God... what's wrong with me?-  
  
Hikari paused, "Something wrong, Asuka?"  
  
Asuka realized that she had been staring at Hikari as she undressed and flushed, "No... I... nothing."  
  
Hikari noticed her rise in color, "Asuka..." she sounded concerned, "IS something wrong?" she stepped closer to the girl, "You can tell me, I'm your friend." She reached out to lay a hand on Asuka's shoulder.  
  
Asuka tensed as the other girl drew near, wearing only her underclothes. -Please...- she thought, -please don't touch me... I don't know what I... please don't...- She didn't know what may have happened if the bell had not rung just then. Her relief was palpable as the other girl dropped her arm and frowned.  
  
"Asuka... if anything's wrong, please tell me." Hikari said quietly.  
  
Asuka took a deep breath, "N-Nothing's wrong Hikari, I just..." in desperation, her mind latched onto the nearest thing to the truth that she could muster, "I just feel a little off... I think it's because of my period..."  
  
She knew it wasn't, though... her cycle had ended two days prior and physically she felt pretty good. The other girl looked relieved, "Oh... I'm sorry..." she smiled, "I know how you feel, my last one was... heavy..." she blushed, unused to talking about something so personal, even with her best friend.  
  
Asuka let out a sigh as Hikari pulled on her shirt, -I have to get out of here...- she thought, -I'm going crazy...- To Hikari she said, "I'm gonna go home early, I don't feel so good." She touched her stomach for emphasis.  
  
Hikari nodded sympathetically, "Yeah... cramps suck..." she patted Asuka on the arm, not noticing the way she flinched. "I'll tell the teacher for you, get out of here." She smiled and headed back towards class.  
  
Asuka leaned back against her locker and sank to the floor, putting her head in her hands.  
  
**  
  
She walked home as she had come... alone. Her reaction to Hikari had unnerved her, and the sudden rain that fell on her as she walked did not help her mood any.  
  
As she walked, she considered what Misato had told her about pushing people away. She shook her head abruptly, whispering fiercely, "But she's a GIRL!" She brought her head up and her breath caught in her throat as she found herself face to face with the object of her thoughts. "What... what do you want?" she said quietly.  
  
Rei said nothing for a moment, she just stood there, soaked to the skin and terribly confused, -Should I... not have sought her out?- she thought, -I... she is very pretty...-  
  
As the rain came down, Asuka regarded the other girl... standing alone... unmindful of the downpour. As the water plastered her hair to her face, Rei spoke quietly, "I must know..." despite the adverse conditions, her words reached Asuka with crystalline clarity, "do you feel... anything, for me?" she tilted her head to the side, "I have thought of you much these past few days, Asuka..."  
  
"I don't know!" Asuka replied, her frustration overcoming all other emotions, "I don't know, Rei..." The other girl took a step forward, and Asuka retreated, "Don't come near me!" she said, finding focus in anger... welcoming it in, "I don't want you to touch me, do you hear me?!"  
  
"I... am sorry," Rei said slowly, "I am confused. I feel something when I see you, but I do not know this emotion." She fidgeted with the hem of her school dress, "I thought... perhaps you felt something as well... and could explain it to me..." she tried again to get closer, but Asuka backed away, scowling deeply.  
  
Asuka took a deep breath, and when she spoke she was proud of how steady her voice was, "Rei, I don't know what I feel... but I don't think it is what you feel." She thrust her chin forward, "And don't call me Asuka... you can call me Pilot Souryu, like you used to before you touched me!" She hardened her anger to a diamond point, "And I don't want to see you outside of NERV or school, you just stay away from me from now on."  
  
Rei's face lost all trace of the emotion it had been showing and slipped back into the impassive mask Asuka was so used to, "I... understand completely, Pilot Souryu... I am sorry to have bothered you." She turned and walked the opposite direction, her head down.  
  
Asuka felt her anger ebbing, replaced by confusion once more as the desire to pursue the other girl rose. She actually took a step before catching herself. "Why would I go after her, I DON'T LIKE GIRLS!" she whispered desperately.  
  
She stood in the rain a long time, unaware of when, exactly, her confused tears began to mingle with the drops falling from the sky.  
  
Continued...  
  
Author's notes: Ok, look... I'm not a girl, so I don't know if I'm portraying reactions correctly in this fiction, or if I'm just feeding off of movie/TV stereotypes... but at least I'm TRYING to understand... and it's not easy. This is the most difficult fiction I've tried to write. I'm trying to get into the mindset of teenage girls that are depicted as straight (or as the very worst, indifferent) and imagine a reason why they might be attracted to one another... sorry if it sucks...  
  
Thanks goes out to Little Washu and Lilith on this one for pre-reading. You two rock.  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com  
  



	4. Tap, tap, shatter...

Disclaimer: see part1.  
  
Part 4  
  
Tap, tap, shatter...  
By Random1377  
  
Shinji sat on his bed, unmoving. 'Shinji, your sync score is the lowest it's ever been... what's going on?' Misato's frustrated words trickled through his mind, a cruel reminder of just a few months ago, when she had said, 'You're number one!'  
  
He rolled onto his side, facing the wall. His SDAT player sat on his dresser... for once offering no solace. "What IS wrong with me?" he whispered, looking at the device sorrowfully, "Why do I have to be feel this way?"  
  
Again he turned over, his mind wandering aimlessly. Asuka... Rei... Misato... Touji... all of them, locked behind a wall of glass. Asuka, because he did not know what she wanted from him... Rei, because she did not ever speak to him.... Misato, because she was always at work and never had time for him... and Touji... Touji because he had nearly killed him.  
  
He wondered briefly if Kensuke or Hikari would talk to him, but he discarded the notion, "They wouldn't understand..." he said, his voice growing thick with emotion, "I'm... I'm all alone..."  
  
When the angel alarm sounded, he almost didn't get out of bed, "Better to just stay here and die..." he whispered bitterly, "no one understands me, what do I owe them?"  
  
He knew that they would eventually come for him. Heaving a deep sigh, he finally rose to his feet as Asuka burst into his room. She met his eye awkwardly, "Come on... we have to get to NERV..." she said, trying to keep her voice even.  
  
"I'm coming..." he said, his voice devoid of emotion. Something flashed across Asuka's face, -Regret?- Shinji thought, -No... she wouldn't regret it... she took what she wanted, what would she regret?-  
  
Asuka's cell phone rang, "Yes? Yes, Misato, we know..." she paused, listening, "Ok, we'll be there." She hung up and turned to Shinji, "Come on, Misato is going to pick us up, but we have to get as close as we can... Rei's already on her way..."  
  
Shinji's eyes narrowed minutely, "Rei? Don't you mean 'Wondergirl'? or 'First'? Since when do you call Ayanami 'Rei'?"  
  
Asuka frowned, "There's no time for this, Shinji, we HAVE to go!"  
  
Shinji continued to scowl, but finally brushed past her, muttering, "Fine... let's go die... that won't be so bad, will it?"  
  
-What is wrong with him?- she thought, following as he moved quickly towards the door, -He can't still be mad that I kissed him - it's been a week!- She would not get the chance to find out for quite some time.  
  
**  
  
In the back seat of Misato's car, Shinji's mind floated, detaching from the world around him as he thought of the people in his life, and how they mistreated him. Each thought coming like a gentle tap against the delicate glass that was his psyche.  
  
He walked like a zombie through Headquarters and dressed in his plugsuit. He then went to the EVA cage, riding the elevator with Asuka and Rei in silence. He broke from his silent contemplation as the two girls got in, observing how they positioned themselves as far away from one another as possible. He sighed sadly, -Some things will never change...- he thought, turning away from Asuka's downcast face.  
  
When they were not looking, Asuka stole glances at her other two pilots, both of whom seemed lost in their own thoughts, -DAMN,- she thought, -how did things get so fucked up?- She wanted to talk to both of them. She was not ready to admit that she had done anything wrong, but the silence and tension between them was thick enough to touch... even Rei looked on edge.  
  
Rei tried to force all thoughts but those of the upcoming battle from her mind... but she could not suppress the memory of the redhead's rage, -I was... wrong to believe that she and I shared similar emotions,- Rei thought, feeling foolish, -and Shinji... something is bothering him, but how can I assist him if I cannot first solve my own problems?-  
  
So they rode in silence, each wanting to reach out to the others... each trapped behind the barriers of their heart.  
  
**  
  
Rei launched first, engaging the snake-like angel... or rather, falling before it.  
  
"REI!" Misato yelled, watching in horror as the white being broke through the pale girl's AT field and slammed into Unit 00's midsection, fusing with it.  
  
Sitting in his entry plug, Shinji listen to the frantic discussion in the command center with a feeling of detachment, "So..." he whispered, "Rei will be the first to die..." had anyone been around to hear him, they may have been surprised to hear the note of relief in his voice as he considered: "Then I can die next..."  
  
**  
In Unit 00, Rei's body arched as the angel merged with her mecha. She felt the world slide away as the angel's mind touched hers.  
  
She found herself standing at the edge of a pool. Another 'Rei' stood in the water, her head down. "Do you not want to become one with me?" the other Rei asked.  
  
"No, I am I... you are you..." She replied calmly, "I wish to remain myself."  
  
The other Rei smiled, "It is already too late... I am becoming one with your... robot," she formed the word with peculiar smile on her face, "once that is complete, you and I shall become one." The air around her became hazy, "Does this make it easier to accept?"  
  
Rei gasped as the other girl's form shifted and flowed, her countenance becoming Asuka's.  
  
"This is your desire, is it not?" the apparition said in Asuka's voice, "I know that you would like to be close to this Lillim..." her voice dropped, "I can BE this for you... you will never know shame while bound to me..."  
  
Rei's voice dropped into a whisper, "No... it would be false. I would not be able to believe that you are her, as she has told me that she... feels nothing for me ..."  
  
She felt something hit her leg, and was pulled back to reality with a jerk. She looked down, "A... tear?" she said in confusion, "Am I the one who is crying?"  
  
**  
  
"Unit 01," Gendou's calm voice commanded, "launch immediately," he ignored Misato's open jaw, "spread your AT field as you reach the surface and fire a volley into the enemies back. Retrieve Unit 00's entry plug at all cost. Launch."  
  
"Yes." Came Shinji's flat response.  
  
All eyes were on the monitor as Unit 01 shot to the surface and its elevator opened... and the purple machine stood still.  
  
"SHINJI! What are you DOING?!" Misato yelled, "Rescue Rei!"  
  
"He CAN'T," Maya yelled, turning from her computer, "his sync ratio is less than ten percent!"  
  
"Shinji?" Misato said quietly, opening a video com-link.  
  
"It... it won't move..." Shinji whispered, his head down, "it just won't move..." he kept repeating himself over and over, his voice lifeless.  
  
"Pull him back in," Misato ordered sadly, "he's just a target out there. Asuka, launch now."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Asuka's voice replied as her Unit rose, -What am I going to do? Shinji always saves the day...- she frowned, wondering just when that thought had stopped being a way to tease him and become the truth. She shook her head, "I can do this..." she said to herself.  
  
She leapt from the elevator, finding the target easily and bringing her rifle to bear. As she raised her AT field, the other end of the snake whipped around to face her... then charged forward almost faster than she could track. She twisted Unit 02 to the side frantically, barely avoiding the thing, but losing her rifle in the process.  
  
"Bastard," she whispered, "no one fucks with me." She engaged her progressive knife, waiting for the snake to come back around. When it did, she dodged to the side, holding the knife out and smiling as a deep cut appeared in the glowing white matter.  
  
Her smile fell away as Rei screamed.  
  
"Rei!" Misato yelled, "Asuka, you have to find a way to get Rei separated from the angel, you're killing h-"  
  
"No," Gendou's voice cut in, tense but level, "the angel is the priority... destroy it at all costs." -I am... sorry, Rei.- he thought, angry at letting himself show his emotions so openly.  
  
"But-" Asuka was cut off as the angel rushed her again. "Not so fast," she said, grabbing it as it passed.  
  
"Angel is merging with Unit 02," Maya shouted, "it's going into her hands!"  
  
Asuka looked down at her gloves, horrified to see them suddenly bulging with veins. With great difficulty, she tore Unit 02's hands away (along with some of the angel's flesh), listening as Rei screamed again.  
  
"Asuka," Ritsuko came on, "concentrate on spreading your AT field around your hands only. By putting it into such a confined area, it will prevent the angel from getting through, and you can then hold it while you cut it with the progressive knife."  
  
"I can't do that!" Asuka said, sidestepping as the angel tried once more to ram her, "No one has that kind of control over-"  
  
"If you don't she'll die." Came the flat response.  
  
"Understood..." Asuka said, keeping her voice even. She focused on her hands, willing the AT field to concentrate there. After a second, the EVA's hands were coated with the telltale octagonal pattern.  
  
"The angel is keeping the plug from ejecting," Misato said, her voice hard, "Ritsuko thinks that if you... hurt it enough, it will concentrate on surviving and let her go."  
  
"Understood." Asuka whispered, "I'm sorry... Rei..." She willed her Unit forward, knife at the ready, and engaged the angel.   
  
For every cut that she made, Rei cried out... her voice getting weaker and weaker. Asuka fought back tears, -I'm so sorry...-   
  
Finally, Maya yelled, "The plug is ejecting," Asuka's elation turned to dread as Maya spoke again, "Her heart just stopped!"  
  
"Shock her." Ritsuko's cool reply came.  
  
Asuka did not hear the rest of the conversation. She attacked the angel with a savagery that surprised everyone watching... slicing and chopping at it until she saw a brief flash of glowing red. With a scream, she plunged the knife forward, seeking the elusive core and finding it. The angel detonated, taking a piece of Unit 00 as it exploded and hurling Unit 02 back several hundred feet to land face down.  
  
Asuka made no attempt to bring Unit 02 back to its feet. She just lay there, too shocked to move, "Rei..." she whispered, "Rei I'm sorry... I couldn't save you..." she put her hand to her mouth, a quiet sob escaping her, "I was wrong... I was wrong to push you away..." She began to cry, knowing that she would never get to tell her how she felt.  
  
"Asuka!" Misato's voice cut through to her finally, "It's ok... come home now."  
  
"It's NOT ok!" she screamed, rubbing away her tears frantically (she would be damned if she let anyone see her crying), "I failed! Rei's DEAD because I-"  
  
"Rei is alive..." Misato said gently, "she's on her way to the operating room now, but they said she should be just fine... you saved her, Asuka..."  
  
Asuka felt her spirits rise, but she heard the hesitation in the older woman's voice, "What is it, Misato? What aren't you telling me?" The silence on the other end of the link made her feel cold.  
  
"Well..." Misato began slowly, "she's cut badly. Apparently, since the angel was so tightly integrated with Unit 00... it affected her... and Unit 00 may not be salvageable." She paused, "Also... Shinji's... unconscious... they can't wake him up..."  
  
"What?! I thought he got pulled in before anything happened to him!" She was now confused. It felt like every possible emotion had run through her in the last five minutes.  
  
"He was..." Misato's voice had an odd quality to it, Asuka realized it was because she was holding back tears, "when the catapult came back down, Unit 01 was slumped forward... and Shinji wouldn't answer. When we force-ejected the plug we found him just... staring. He won't respond, Asuka... the doctor's say it's too soon to know, but..."  
  
"But what, Misato?" Asuka prompted.  
  
Misato took a deep breath, "But his mind may be shattered." Asuka closed her eyes as the purple-haired woman went on, "He's always been... fragile, and he's been declining recently. Not being able to move Unit 01 must have been the final straw."  
  
Asuka let the news sink in, finally bringing Unit 02 to its feet, "Misato..." she knew what she must do now... what felt right, "when can I visit Rei?"  
  
Misato's stunned silence was the only response for a full minute, "Rei?" she asked wonderingly. She regained her composure fast (she wasn't head of operations for nothing), "Umm... tomorrow, I would guess, if the doctors say it's alright... but, what about Shinji?"  
  
Asuka flinched, "I... will visit both of them, but you said Shinji is catatonic, right? Will it really help if I visit him first?" It hit her that she was becoming defensive, but that she did not care... it was quite liberating.  
  
"Yes, Asuka..." Misato could sense that something was wrong with this whole discussion, but could not put her finger on what it was... so she went on the offensive, "it really will. So do it." Her tone softened, "I know this was a hard fight for you, come back home, ok?"  
  
"Ok, Misato..." Asuka said quietly, "I will." She willed Unit 02 forward, thinking as the giant red machine moved of the things she wanted, and needed, to say to Rei. And the things she hoped to hear in return. Though she still felt a sense of unease and vague shame, she was determined to find out where her happiness lay... even if it was in the arms of another woman.  
  
Continued...  
  
Big time thanks goes out to my pre-readers on this chapter: Little Washu, Lilith, and Author X. You guys are cool!  
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com  
  



	5. Breaking through

Disclaimer: see chapter 1  
Part 5  
Breaking through  
By Random1377  
  
Shinji was lost. Trapped behind a wall of glass - cut off from the rest of the world by a barrier of his own design.  
  
-Why...- he whispered in his mind, -why am I not dead yet?-  
  
When Unit 01 had refused to move, he had pulled back in on himself, refusing to accept what was happening. -Without EVA,- he thought as he receded, -I'm useless...-  
  
He had firmly believed that they would just kill him. After all, what good was he if he could not move the purple mecha that had grown to define his existence?  
  
He had watched the faces of his rescuers through glassy eyes as they pulled him from the entry plug, unable - and unwilling - to respond to their repeated attempts to wake him.  
  
He had pulled further back as Misato begged him to wake up, though it hurt him to do so. -Just let me go...- he thought sadly, -can't you see that it's better for everyone this way?-  
  
His resolve to remain cut off wavered as Asuka came to visit him the day after the angel attack.  
  
"Hey idiot-" she began jovially, then cut off abruptly and corrected herself, "Hi Shinji..." she said softly, "you don't look so hot..."  
  
He had tried to make his eyes move to face her then, but found that he could not... his mind had forgotten the ability with his forced shut down.  
  
She carefully laid her hand on his, saying, "I just came here to... to say how sorry I am that I forced you to kiss me. I know that it was wrong, and I regret making you do it..."  
  
If his body had been responding to his commands, his jaw would have dropped open at the admission.  
  
Her next confession rocked him like nothing he had ever experienced. "Shinji, I... I'm in love with Rei..." She swallowed, her throat making a dry clicking sound, "Do you know... you're the first person I've told that?" She stared down at where her hand lay on his, her voice dropping lower, "Did you know that that's the first time I've said that out loud - even to myself? It's... harder to say than I thought." She sighed deeply, "I don't know if what I feel is 'bad'... but right or wrong, I'm going to ask her now if she's willing to be mine..." she paused, looking at him closely.  
  
"I'm scared, Shinji..." she whispered after a moment, "I'm scared of what will happen if she says no... but I'm more scared of what will happen if she says yes..." The nature of his condition prevented bodily harm, as he probably would have fallen out of bed at statement. He never expected to hear those words from the Second Child. Of course, he never expected her to tell him that she loved Rei, either...  
  
She hugged herself, and for the first time since he had retreated he wished that he had been stronger. -I should be holding her...- he thought shamefully, -I shouldn't be just lying here - she's scared! She needs me!- But try as he might, he could not find his way back... he was trapped.  
  
"Anyway," she said softly, "I'm sorry for what I've done... and I hope that when you come back you can forgive me - because I know you'll come back, Shinji... I know you will." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips, a tear falling from her eye to his before she broke away and made her exit, closing the door quietly behind her.  
  
He tried to call out to her - willing himself to scream... but nothing came. As the door clicked closed he gave up, knowing he could not reach her now, -DAMN!- he shouted in his mind, -How could I have been so WEAK?!-  
  
He became aware of the door opening again a short while later. -Asuka?- he thought hopefully.   
  
It wasn't the redhead, but rather... another person that slipped quietly into the room and stood over his bed.  
  
"So alone," a soft voice whispered from just outside of his field of vision, "so fragile..." a pale face leaned over him, a smile appearing on its lips.  
  
Shinji did not know who the boy was, but he bore a strong resemblance to Rei... right down to his shining red eyes.  
  
"Hello, Shinji Ikari," the boy said softly, sitting on the chair next to his bed, "we have much to discuss, you and I." He began to speak, and after a while Shinji's mind screamed in the pain of revelation... and twisted in the agony of his self imposed bonds - knowing that by the time he found his way back to control his body it would be too late...  
  
**  
  
Asuka came into Rei's hospital room, "Hello, Rei... it's time to wash your wounds..." she said without waiting for the other girl to speak.  
  
"Why are you here?" Rei asked her quietly.  
  
"I'm here because... because I did this to you... it was Unit 02's knife that hurt you." Asuka said haltingly. Admitting that she was wrong was hard enough, but to admit it when she had only done as she had been ordered nearly killed the German girl.  
  
"I do not require assistance..." Rei said, rising from her bed laboriously and moving into the bathroom.  
  
Hesitating for a minute Asuka followed, coming up short as she found the other girl taking off her clothes and removing her bandages. She turned away, saying, "You might as well let me help you... I'm not going to leave."  
  
The sound of Rei slipping into the water told Asuka that it was ok to turn around. Rei lay in the tub, her arms crossed over her chest.  
  
Asuka knelt by the side of the tub, "Lean forward," she said quietly, taking the big medical sponge that had been set within easy reach and dipping it in the water. Rei did as she was instructed. Asuka turned away as the water slid off of the blue haired girl's pale skin. After a deep breath, she turned back and began to carefully wash the girl's injuries, being as gentle as she could.  
  
The only indication of pain Rei made was an occasional breath, sharply indrawn. After a moment of silence she spoke quietly, "Why are you here... Pilot Souryu?" she asked again, her voice hollow.  
  
Asuka blew her breath out, sending her hair flying, "I... don't know..." she said after a brief pause. "Mostly I'm here because I... wanted to see if you were ok..."  
  
Rei considered this for a minute, "You said that you do not feel anything for me..."  
  
"I was wrong..." Asuka whispered.  
  
Rei turned to her, eyes wide. Asuka took a deep breath and leaned forward, "What do you feel for me, Rei?" she asked, halting a few inches from the other girl's face.  
  
Rei met her eyes steadily, "I do not know the emotion that I feel... it is unfamiliar," she said slowly, "but it is a... good feeling..."  
  
Asuka nodded, drifting closer still, "Rei... if you don't stop me, I'm... I'm going to..." she trailed off, pausing centimeters from Rei.  
  
Rei's voice trembled only slightly, "I... will not stop you... Asuka..." She whispered.  
  
Asuka closed her eyes, and the final distance between them.  
  
When Asuka's lips gently touched hers, Rei's body shivered. She had not expected the redhead to be so careful. Slowly, she brought her hand up out of the water and touched Asuka's face, leaving a damp trail across her cheek.  
  
Asuka gingerly reached out and copied her move, touching Rei's jaw with shaking fingers. After a moment they parted.  
  
Asuka looked into her fiery red eyes with her own icy blue ones, "Rei... is this wrong?" she said quietly. Her hand had not left Rei's face.  
  
"I do not know... but it feels very nice..." Rei replied. Asuka whimpered softly, feeling the last of her inhibitions fall away as she was drawn into another damp kiss. She put her arms carefully around Rei's pale body, being mindful of Rei's cuts.  
  
-I feel so warm...- Asuka thought, tilting her head so she could feel more of Rei's tender mouth against hers, -like Misato said... I feel safe...- She pulled Rei to her tighter.  
  
Rei let herself be held, ignoring the minor flare of pain. She tilted her head to the opposite side, feeling Asuka's mouth open and her tongue questioningly press against her lips. She opened them, letting the redhead explore her mouth. -I do not care if this is right,- Rei thought as she ran her hands through Asuka's flaming red hair, -right or wrong, I will be with her... she is mine!- the sudden, possessive thought took her off-guard and she opened her eyes, drawing back slightly.  
  
Asuka backed away instantly, "Did I... do something wrong?" -Maybe this isn't right after all...- she thought.  
  
Rei shook her head, "No... you did not..." she reached out and touched the other girl's shoulder, feeling her tremble, "I was merely going to ask if you would be my..." she blushed, knowing how absurd it sounded, "girlfriend..."  
  
Asuka's trembling intensified, "I don't... know... I don't know if this is right..." she put her hands to her head, all of her confidence gone, "I don't know, Rei..."  
  
"Asuka..." the blue-haired girl spoke quietly, but firmly, "what we feel and what we have done is not accepted by our society," she shook her head, "does that make it automatically wrong?" she embraced the girl once more, "I know that I feel... right, when I am with you. I do not care if others do not approve... I only..." she took a deep breath, "I only want you to be with me."  
  
Asuka's eyes widened as Rei spoke. When she finished, the redhead pulled away and said quietly, "If... if I do become your... girlfriend..." she met the girls crimson eyes with great difficulty, "would you... want me to sleep with you? Because I don't know if I'm ready for that, or-"   
  
Rei cut her off, shaking her head, "I think that this is what the Americans call 'putting the cart before the horse'. You are concerned about events and feelings that are yet far off." She put a hand on the other girl's shoulder, "I will not ever make you feel pressure to do anything..." she blushed, "I... do not even know if it is possible for us to... unite..."  
  
Asuka smiled... a small smile, but it was more than Rei had hoped for, "From what I've heard, it's... different," she said timidly, "than when a man and a woman... it's just different." She finished in a rush.  
  
Rei nodded, "Do not worry about that... I will not expect it from you now, or ever..." she met the other girl's eyes, "though I admit it sounds... interesting..." she leaned forward, taking Asuka's face in her hands, "Asuka..." she said in a very formal tone, "will you be my girlfriend?"   
  
Asuka's trembling stopped, "Yes, Rei... I will." By unspoken accord, they kissed once more. Then Rei rose from the tub and Asuka helped her reapply her bandages and dress, trying to look away as much as possible as she was still embarrassed to see her naked.  
  
Then they sat together on Rei's bed and talked for hours. They talked about the people in their lives, and how they would react, deciding to keep their affair a secret as long as they could. They talked about EVA, and their fears. They talked about school, and friendships... and they talked about themselves, finding similarities they never knew existed. They talked about Shinji, each of them hoping he would be alright.   
  
Finally it was time for Rei to sleep, and for Asuka to go home. They kissed one last, slow time... and bade each other goodnight, each thinking that they had finally broken through the barriers inside... and that things could only get better from this point.  
  
For a short time, they were right...  
  
Continued...  
  
  
Author's notes: before anyone asks - no, I do not plan to make this a Yaoi fic as well... :P  
  
Thanks to my pre-readers on this one, Katie Dawber, JobFaust, Lord DeathScythe,   
  
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com  



	6. Subtlety

Disclaimer: see part 1

Fire and Ice

Part 6

Subtlety

(Second Version)

By Random1377

Asuka could not believe her bad fortune.  "This sucks…" she muttered, "why do I have to listen to this boring shiest! I finished _college_!"

As unfair as it seemed to have to sit through the elaborate lecture, she still kept her voice down.  She had figured out after the third trip to the principal's office that her degree meant nothing here.

She sighed and stared down at her desk.

"Pilot Souryu," Asuka's head came back up quickly at the softly spoken words, "I am to inform you that we have a synchronization test," Rei said quietly, standing in front of her desk with her arms at her sides, "please come with me…"

Asuka suppressed a smile, -Yes!- she thought as she stood, "Well, I guess we have no choice then…" she said, trying to sound disappointed.

As soon as they were in the hall, Asuka sighed deeply, "Whew… I didn't think I would make it much longer.  Thanks for getting me out of there."

Rei fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, "I… did not lie, Asuka," she said softly, "we do have a test later…"

Asuka frowned, "Why didn't I get an e-mail, or a call?"

Rei flushed, very faintly, "You would have received notification shortly…" her fidgeting grew to downright twitching, "the test is later but I… wanted to be alone with you…" this last comment was barely more than a whisper.

Asuka grinned widely, "Rei…" she said teasingly, "you lied, just so you could-" 

Rei cut her off, becoming incredibly agitated, "No! Please do not say that!"

Asuka blinked, "I'm… sorry…" she muttered, "I don't see what the big deal is…"

Rei calmed slightly, "It is very important to me not to lie…" she said softly, "it makes me feel… dirty…"

-But she did it for me…- Asuka thought, somewhat amazed, -even though it was just a little one…- 

"Thank you, Rei," she smiled, looking around to make sure no one was watching before taking the pale girl's hand, "that was very nice of you…"

Rei smiled softly.  "I would like to be alone with you," she murmured, adding, "please?"

It was Asuka's turn to flush.  Since they had started seeing each other, less than a week prior, Rei had been incredibly polite and hesitant when it came to matters of intimacy.  Not that Asuka was less hesitant, but she found it slightly vexing that Rei said please so much. –It's not like she's asking me if she can borrow a sweater!- She thought as she nodded.  "Yes, Rei," she said, trying to suppress an exasperated sigh… and knowing that the First Child was not likely to change any time soon, "I would like that."

Rei smiled wider and began to speak, but Asuka kept talking, "But only if I can kiss you…" She loved the fact that Rei would blush every time she said this, and it was almost a game between them… a game that pleased Asuka no end.

"Yes…" Rei whispered, looking at the floor as her cheeks matched her eye color, "I would like that…" and this was the blue-haired girl's standard reply.

Asuka released Rei's hand, suddenly afraid that someone might see them.  "Come on…" she said firmly, "I know where we should go."

She led her girlfriend up to the rooftop, closing the door and leaning up against it to ensure their privacy.

Rei looked confused as Asuka stood still. "I… will you not kiss me?" she asked softly, "I thought that-"

"I want you to kiss me this time," Asuka said just as softly.  "I always kiss you first… I want you," she pointed for emphasis, "to kiss me…"

Rei's eyes widened, but she nodded and stepped closer to the redhead.  Slowly, she leaned forward and kissed her, barely touching her lips to her girlfriend's.

Asuka sighed at the gentleness of it.  -She's so much more careful than me…- she thought, -I just go for it, and,-

The redhead's thought was interrupted as Rei put her hands on Asuka's shoulders and pulled her tightly against her lips, possessively pressing herself up against Asuka and pinning her to the door.

After several minutes of a slowly intensifying kiss, Rei broke away. "I… am sorry…" she whispered, stepping away and looking at the floor, "I…" she found that she couldn't express what she felt… how she needed to feel Asuka's touch… how she needed to know that she was hers… how she was terrified that someone might try to take her away.

Asuka saw her shivering.  "What's wrong?" she asked, completely unsure of how to handle the situation. -Damn…- she thought suddenly, -I'm no good at this kind of stuff…-

Rei shook her head.  "It is nothing…" she said, taking a deep breath, "I am just concerned that you will tire of me."

Asuka blinked. -Geez,- she thought, -she doesn't mince words, now, does she?-  She took Rei's hand in hers.  "Look," she said softly, pulling the girl closer to her, "do you think I would be here at all if I wasn't sure it was where I wanted to be? I'm not going anywhere, Rei… I want to be with you."

The red-eyed girl looked at her for a moment, and then let out a soft sigh, "I am glad."

Asuka's eyes took on a wicked gleam.  "Good… now kiss me again," she demanded.

Rei's eyes widened, then she smiled softly and leaned forward to do as she was told.

They were only five minutes late for the sync test.

**

Misato stared at the boy in front of her.  "You're Kaworu Nagisa?" she asked doubtfully.

The boy smiled at her. "Yes," he replied politely, "and you are Misato Katsuragi, Director of Operations, are you not?"

She nodded. -Damn…- she thought, -someone could have mentioned that he has red eyes and whispers like Rei.  Not that it makes THAT much difference, but still…-  She shook off the thought. "Umm," she hummed, leafing over the transfer papers again, "you have been made aware of the rules and regulations here and have a place to stay, correct?" she asked, feeling slightly unsteady.

Kaworu nodded. "Yes," he replied calmly, "though my quarters are… cramped, they will be sufficient."

Misato hesitated, feeling oddly conflicted by the boy's quiet tone and piercing eyes.  –He's like a mix between Shinji and Rei,- she thought suddenly, studying the boy's features as he calmly looked back at her.  –Red eyes… quiet voice… but just a touch more uncertain than Rei – like Shinji was when he first got here.-

Taking a deep breath, she pushed her observations to the side and murmured, "Umm, ok then… there is a sync test tomorrow to assess your potential. I'll pick you up in your quarters at oh-seven hundred."

"I… look forward to it," Kaworu said softly, bowing at the waist.

A chill ran down Misato's spine as she looked into the boy's crimson eyes, and it occurred to her that she had never offered to pick any of the other pilots up in their quarters before.  At a loss for further words, she stuck out her hand. "It was nice to meet you, Kaworu," she said briskly, "I hope you find everything satisfactory."

Kaworu considered her hand for a minute, finally taking it and kissing the back. "I thank you for your kindness," he whispered formally, releasing her hand and bowing.

Misato found herself blushing as his lips pressed against her skin.  "How very old fashioned of you," she chided lightly. 

–Why am I getting all… motherly??- she thought with some confusion, -I've only just met him…-  As he stepped back, she fought the urge to reach out and pat him affectionately on the top of the head.

The Fifth Child bowed once more. "Sometimes the old ways are the best ways," he returned.  "Have a nice day, Major."  With a slight nod, he turned and walked quietly from the room.

As soon as he was gone, Misato sighed. "What was that about?" she wondered aloud as she stared at the back of her hand.  After a moment of quiet contemplation, she headed off in search of the boy's records, hoping to find something anomalous that could account for her strange feelings.

**

Rei felt quite pleased as she walked through NERV's labyrinthine hallways. The sync tests were over for the day, and she had agreed to meet with Asuka later in the afternoon – deciding by mutual understanding that they should leave at separate times, as being seen together so much might raise suspicions.

"What would you think, Ikari?" she mused quietly, "Would you be… upset?" She shook her head sadly, thinking of the comatose boy. "I do not believe you would…" she whispered, "I believe you would be happy. You always did-"

She broke off as a boy with gray hair and red eyes stepped around the corner in front of her, nodding slightly as if he had been confident he would see her.

"Rei Ayanami… the First Child…" he said quietly.

"Who are you?" Rei asked, confused as to how he knew her name.

"I am Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child," the boy replied, "I observed your synchronization tests with the Second this afternoon… your scores are improving."

The blue-haired girl's eyes widened as the boy named Kaworu advanced on her, invading her personal space and forcing her to back up until she hit the wall.

"What do you want?" she asked softly as he studied her face.

Silently, he reached up and laid his hand on her cheek.

"You are the same as me," the gray-haired boy said quietly, examining her features intently with his fingertips, "but you've been deceived… you have forgotten yourself…"

"I do not… know what you are talking about," Rei managed, an odd trill of fear worming its way through her stomach at his touch, "please take your hand off of me…"

"Will your lover be upset?" Kaworu asked, letting his hand fall to his side.  "Honestly," he said, the faintest trace of disapproval evident in his voice, "to allow _her_ to touch your body…"

"How…?" Rei whispered, her eyes wide.

"It is obvious," the Fifth said, putting his hands into his pockets and taking a step back, "if one knows the signs to look for. I am curious though," he leaned close once more, locking his eyes onto hers, "you know that this type of relationship is unnatural… yet you continue to pursue it… why?"

Rei flushed slightly. "Affection is affection…" she said softly, forcing herself to hold his gaze, "sexuality does not matter."

"You know that is not true," Kaworu said quietly, shaking his head, "there are certain covenants between man and woman that are sacred.  To want comfort and closeness is natural," he elaborated, "but to intentionally seek out the embrace of someone of your own gender is… unhealthy."  He took another step back, as if being too close to her was somehow distasteful. "I will not reveal your secret, First Child…" he assured her carefully. "For some odd reason, I find it interesting to watch you and your… lover," his lip curled slightly at the last word, as if he had difficulty pronouncing it, "attempting to deceive."

The blue-haired girl dropped her eyes, biting her lip to keep from thanking him.

"Good day," Kaworu said abruptly, turning away, "I will see you again, I am sure…"

Rei simply nodded, keeping her head down as his footsteps receded.

Once she was sure that he was gone, she let out a long, wavering breath and leaned back, letting the wall support her.  "He is… intense…" she whispered to herself.  She closed her eyes, deciding to keep this encounter from Asuka.  –It would only upset her,- she reasoned.

Shaking herself, the First Child pushed away from the wall, pondering for a moment what the Fifth had meant by telling her she was the same before going in search of comfort.

Comfort in the arms of her love.

**

The next two weeks seemed to blur past, one day running into the next like a sweet dream that must eventually be broken by the dawn.

Rei and Asuka found themselves spending more and more time together, though they still were not willing to openly declare themselves a couple… they both acknowledged the fact that it might not be taken so well – especially by the Commander.

They agreed, however, that once the last angel was defeated, they would be more open about their relationship. They did not plan to start kissing in front of Misato just to prove a point, but they _did_ decide that holding hands would be ok… and Asuka suspected that – out of everyone she knew – Misato would be the first to understand.

As for the Operations Director herself, she found that she was making more and more excuses to be with the fascinating Fifth Child.

'It's just because he's so interesting…' she had reasoned out loud one evening, speaking more to herself than to Shinji, whom she was visiting at the time.

She wondered if the comatose Third Child would understand her real reasons… and somehow doubted it.  She felt that he was not the type to be drawn to someone simply for the sake of companionship – and she feared that that was exactly the reason she was spending so much time with the gray-haired boy.

Since Shinji was hurt, and Asuka was almost never around… and PenPen had been sent to stay with the Horakis (a result of her fear for the bird's safety), Misato spent most of her off time alone – time that was made all the more lonely since the disappearance of her lover, Kaji.

Of course… had Shinji been able to speak when she confessed her feelings of affection for the red-eyed Child, he would have warned her about the things he knew.

But he was not able to speak… so he was not able to warn her…

And so he had no influence over the events to come.

**

"This is a lovely apartment, Major Katsuragi…" Kaworu said quietly, smiling softly as he looked around the living room, "it suits your personality quite nicely."

"Thank you," Misato said, genuinely pleased, "Shinji and Asuka kinda helped decorate it over the last few months… made it feel a little more relaxed."

"I find that hard to believe," the gray-haired boy said honestly, rising from the couch as the Operations Director got to her feet.

"Well," she shrugged, "they helped some." She smiled, holding out her hand and flushing slightly, "Thanks for coming by to pick up those reports," she said, a touch guiltily.  "I'm sorry I made you come all the way out here… I can't believe I forgot them."

"It was not a problem at all," he said easily, shaking her hand and stepping closer to her. "But I must confess… I rather wish I could spend more time with you."

Misato blinked. "That's… very straightforward of you…" she whispered, lowering her arm to her side.

"I see no reason to be dishonest," the Fifth replied quietly, meeting her eyes, "there is little time in life for such wastes of energy… wouldn't you agree, Major?"

"Ummm… I guess not," Misato conceded, "I just don't want to give the wrong impression about what my feelings are…" –Wow…- she thought dismally, -_very_ professional…-

"If the wrong impression is that you do _not_ want me here," he said slowly, "then I am not getting that impression at all."  He stepped closer to her, "I would like to spend some time with you, Major… I find you very interesting."

"What do you mean?" Misato asked uneasily.

"You are so alone," Kaworu explained quietly, tilting his head to the side.  "Shinji is unable to communicate," he murmured, shaking his head sadly, "Asuka is unwilling to communicate… and thus – you are left alone."

"It's not… quite like that," the woman murmured softly, finding her voice just a touch too thick as she considered the boy's frank assessment of her situation.

"So fragile," the Fifth Child said gently, reaching out to put his hand on hers.  "Your heart is like glass… ready to break into a million fragments at the subtlest hint of true intimacy."

Misato stared at his hand, blinking back sudden, confused tears.  "You don't know me well enough to say those things," she whispered unsteadily.

"Knowing a person is not a matter of time," Kaworu said patiently, "it is a matter of understanding.  You long for companionship… yet you push those around you until they cannot bear anymore and they leave… and you are alone, trying to understand what you did wrong."  He nodded to himself, as if the woman's expression of growing confusion confirmed his suspicions.  "Yes," he affirmed, "you desire companionship, yet you are afraid of it at the same ti-"

"_Stop it_!"

Kaworu blinked as the woman tore her hand from his.  "I apologize…" he murmured as she turned away.  "I did not mean to upset you, Major."

"I… probably shouldn't let you be here," Misato said after a momentary silence, wrapping her arms around her waist and trying to get a hold of her emotions, "it's… kind of improper…"

"I will leave if you would like," the boy murmured quietly, "I would hate for you to find that fragile heart of yours in pieces over something I said."

Strangely, Misato found the boy's placating tone irritating.  "Nothing you can say can break my heart, Mister Nagisa," she informed him, trying to sound calm, "but thank you for your concern."

Kaworu smiled faintly.  "So very fragile," he whispered.  "This is worthy of my respect…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Misato asked.

"It means that I can empathize with you," the boy said quietly.  "It means that I love you."

It happened fast – so fast that Misato doubted conscious thought ever entered into the equation.  The words had barely left the boy's mouth when her hand struck his cheek, turning his head to the side with all the speed of a whip crack.

"Never," she managed, her body shaking with a confusion of rage and shame, "never say that you love me – you don't even know me!"

Kaworu slowly brought his hand to his quickly reddening cheek.  "That is the problem with you Lillim," he whispered sadly, "you think that love implies intimacy and knowledge of another, and yet… do you not love an infant from birth?"  He shook his head.  "You crave closeness and understanding, but you will not accept it unless it comes with time.  You are destined to remain alone, because the truth of the matter is… you are not willing to allow anyone close enough to your heart until they 'know' you."  He stepped past her, still shaking his head as he concluded, "I believe, in spite of your order otherwise… that I love you all the more because of that – because no matter how you strive, you cannot ever truly be close to another."

Misato simply gaped at the boy, her mind reeling at the depth of his observations and accusations.  "Who are you…?" she breathed.

"Does it really matter?" Kaworu asked, a note of pity in his voice, "no matter how much you know of me, you will never let me near the real you… so let us end the evening with a simple goodbye, Major Katsuragi."  He bowed formally. "I apologize for my transgression," he murmured.  "I shall take my leave now… and I do not think we shall meet again.  Goodbye."

Misato blinked, still trying to come to terms with the night's events.  "What do you mean?" she asked as he stepped back and turned for the door.

"You will see shortly," the boy replied, offering her a sad smile.

As he walked out of the apartment, Misato slumped back against the wall and slid to the floor, feeling as if the weight of a thousand years had been added to her shoulders. "Oh God…" she moaned, putting her face in her hands and weeping as she realized just how true the boy's words rang.  She was alone – in her house and in her heart… and there was no one to blame for it but herself.  Even her sudden, heretofore unexplained feelings of protectiveness for the newest Child could easily be traced back to her own desire to have someone dependant on her – to have someone close to her, the way Shinji was close to her before he withdrew from the world.

So immobilized with hollowness was she that she was still in the hallway three hours later when the phone rang, reminding her that she was late for work.

**

"What _is_ this place?" Asuka said, shivering slightly, "It's freezing!"

Rei said nothing, as she was too intent on her goal.

They were deep within Central Dogma, holding hands as they walked, but watching closely and ready to separate should they see anyone moving down the hall.

Asuka blinked as they passed through a room that very nearly mirrored Rei's apartment – right down to the beaker of water and the small table.  –Freaky…- she thought.

They came to another door, and Rei paused. "There is… something beyond this door that you must see…" she whispered softly, "something that defines me…"

"Defines you?" Asuka echoed, shivering again, -Damn… it must be all of five degrees in here, I swear!-

Rei was at a loss for words. "You will see…" she said slowly, "and no matter what happens… know that I care for you, Asuka…"

Asuka blinked as Rei's hand quickly reached out, swiping a small access card through the reader on the door in one swift motion… as if the blue-haired girl was on the brink of turning back, and would not – _could_ not – allow that.

Rei closed her eyes as the door began to slide open, terrified of the other girl's inevitable reaction. –She will surely despise me now…- she thought sadly, -but she needs to know… she has the right to know… because I am hers, and she is mine…-

"Ummm…" Asuka hummed, frowning slightly, "it's… very nice, Rei… can we go now?"

Rei's eyes shot open as she turned to face the redhead. "Does it not bother you??" she asked incredulously.

"Should it?" Asuka replied, looking confused.

Rei turned to face the room that had been her birthplace, the room that held all of the other Reis, and found the tanks, "Empty?"

"What was in here before?" Asuka asked, tilting her head curiously as Rei seemed to go even paler than normal, "Was it something important? 'Cause it's gone now, whatever it was." She took a closer look at the other girl, "Are you ok?"

"Gone…" Rei whispered, still trying to grasp the fact that she was suddenly, irrevocably, the _only_ Rei.  –There can never be another…- she thought, -I am the last…-  She shook herself as she noticed Asuka's concerned look.

"This room held…" Rei struggled for words, finally settling on simply, "me."

Asuka looked at the huge, empty tank, then back at her girlfriend. "Well," she shrugged, "if you say so."

"No!" Rei said grasping the other girl by the shoulders, her voice low with quiet desperation, "You do not understand! This was… I was… it should not be empty!"

"Take it easy," Asuka said, frowning at the red-eyed girl's odd behavior and pulling away, "it's just a big LCL tank… with nothing in it. What's the big deal?"

Rei put her hands on the sides of her head, "It was important… very important." She took a deep breath, "It should contain-"

Her explanation was cut short by the sound of the alarm.

**

"Unit 02 has gone active," Hyouga reported, his voice sounding confused, "but I can't get any readings on the entry plug, I don't know who's piloting it."

As the technicians scrambled to make sense of the odd occurrence, Fuyutsuki leaned over to Gendou. "Is it what we feared?" he whispered.

"Undoubtedly," the Commander replied, "it seems SEELE themselves sent us the last angel."

"Is it taking Unit 02 to merge with it…" Fuyutsuki wondered, "or…"

"Let's not find out either way," Gendou replied, "Miss Ibuki," he said, raising his voice as Misato came onto the bridge, looking slightly dazed, "Unit 02 and its pilot, Kaworu Nagisa, are now designated the seventeenth angel." He ignored the gasps of shock as he went on, "Insert Rei in Unit 01 with instructions to intercept, and have Pilot Souryu on standby in case Unit 01 rejects Rei… also have a dummyplug on-"

"There's a problem, Commander," Maya said, cutting him off in her panic, "I can't find Rei or Asuka… and the dummyplug is being rejected."

"You… decided to try the plug on your own?" he asked softly, his voice cold, "Without bothering to wait for a pilot… or an order?"

Maya paled. "It… was already loaded from the last test," she replied, her voice shaking as she tried unsuccessfully to meet the Commander's eyes, "and I thought if Unit 02 had gone berserk, it would be the fastest response-"

"Never mind," Gendou said, waving his hand, "initiate fourth protocol."

Misato blinked as Maya went impossibly three shades whiter, gripping the desk for support. "What is that?" she asked, looking from the tech to the Commander and doing her best to at least _try_ to be surprised at this latest turn of events.  "Why wasn't I informed of a special protocol?"

Ignoring her, Maya answered the commander. "Please sir… he can't – he's not up to it, and he'll-"

"You have your orders!" Gendou snapped, "And time is short. It's him or Third Impact – do as you're _told_!!"

"Yes sir…" Maya said brokenly, fighting back tears as she rose from her desk and ran from the room.

"Turn off those damn alarms," Gendou said irritably, "the angel's not going to stop because we're giving him a headache."

Misato looked up at the cool visage of the Commander, trying to read his face as the room went quiet.  Failing, she asked softly, "What is the fourth protocol?"

Gendou smiled at her, folding his hands. "You're a smart woman," he replied, "put two and two together.  Each Child has a protocol – a set of procedures to initiate to get him or her to one of the EVAs at top speed should anything happen to the others."

"For each…" Misato whispered, her eyes widening.  "You can't be serious!!"

Gendou's voice was flat and hard, "We're doing him a favor… he'll be able to feel whole again – if only while he's piloting."

"You're insane!" Misato gasped, unable to believe what her mind was telling her, "Just insane! Don't you remember the last time? What happened to him then? And Unit 01 won't take-"

"He has been tested with Unit 01," Gendou overrode her smoothly, "and he can sync at twenty-eight percent."

"Twenty-eight??" Misato burst out, "That's _nothing_!! He'll be killed!"

Gendou ignored her as Maya's voice filled the room, sounding incredibly reluctant. "Pilot is in the plug… beginning insertion…"

Misato turned away, -After this… I'm through,- she thought, wondering why she had even stayed as long as she had, -this is the last angel, father… after this, I'm leaving NERV.-

"Unit 01 online," Touji Suzuhara's voice filled the purple-haired woman's ears… a painful reminder of just how desperate the situation was.

-They must have kept him hidden somewhere nearby,- she thought bitterly, -kept alone… isolated… just there in case of an emergency…- "I feel sick…" she whispered.

"Intercept the angel using route six-six-five," Gendou ordered, "and do not hold back. Though it looks human, it will destroy us all."

"Understood," Touji replied, "Unit 01 – lift off!"  
  


**

"Shouldn't we get back to the EVAs?" Asuka gasped as they came to a stop in front of a small door. They had been running seemingly (to Asuka at least) down random corridors since the angel alarm had sounded.

"No," Rei said firmly, "we will not make it in time, and there is something I must do here…"

Asuka put her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath, "But if there's an angel," she panted, "who's going to kill it?"

Rei opened the door, motioning for Asuka to come with her. "It will come here," she replied softly, leading the redhead into a small alcove… an alcove that overlooked the very heart of Terminal Dogma.

Asuka's eyes widened as she beheld a body of LCL larger than she had even dreamed existed. And in the center of it all… an enormous form, vaguely familiar to her.

"Something important will happen now," Rei said softly, unable to look at her girlfriend, "I must be here…"

Asuka looked down at the inert being on the cross, hardly daring to breathe. "Ok," she said after a moment, slipping her hand into the other girl's, "I trust you…"

Rei nodded absently, -That is what he meant…- she thought, thinking of the boy with the red eyes, -I am the same as him… I am… one of them – at least in part. I can feel it… the power… the call… she's… within me. I cannot allow…-

Rei's confused thoughts were broken as the gray-haired boy came floating into the room, frowning slightly as he approached the giant.

"Those who are born of Adam must return to Adam…" he said softly, reaching out reluctantly while loosing his control on Unit 02.  "So all Mankind must be erased… even you, Major, with your fragile heart and your kind eyes… for that, I am truly so-."  He cut himself of as, a moment before his hand touched the pale flesh of the creature, its true nature was revealed to his senses.

"Lillth?" he whispered, his voice shaking. He backed away, smiling faintly. "Very clever, Lillim…" he mused, "you almost had me.  Had I actually touched her… I would have been lost. But still, I sense the father is close.  I will not be fooled again.  I thought that perhaps I could understand your kind, especially when the Major had come so close to accepting another into her heart… but you are beyond me, so it would be best for you all to return to nothing."

He looked away from the decoy as Unit 01 broke into the room, the motionless form of Unit 02 lying at its feet.

"No you don't!" Touji's voice boomed over the speakers, the purple mecha extending its hand towards the angel.

-Now!- Rei thought, narrowing her eyes and focusing on that power deep within her.

Kaworu shook his head sadly, raising his AT field as the hand neared him… then his mouth gaped open in shock as another, more powerful field neutralized his.  "Is it…?" he gasped, his eyes shooting up to the small alcove high above and finding the deep red eyes of the First Child.  A quick chuckle escaped him a moment before he was seized as he spotted the First's lover at her side.  "Of course," he murmured, never looking away, "how… appropriate…"

Touji never hesitated.  He grasped the floating form in Unit 01's fist and bore down with all of his hate and fear… screaming as he eradicated the last angel in a fraction of a second.

Rei sighed and let her AT field collapse as the head of the gray-haired boy tumbled into the LCL, an ironic smile still on its face.  Slowly… she became aware of Asuka, trembling at her side.

"Y-you…" the redhead's eyes were wide and terrified, her body shaking as she stared at the other girl, "you're… one of them…"

"No," Rei said, suddenly aware of how it must seem, "Asuka, I-"

"Let go of me!!" the Second Child whispered frantically, yanking her hand away as if it was pressed against a stovetop.

Rei reached out, wincing slightly as Asuka stumbled back, avoiding her touch. "It is… not as it seems, I-"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" the redhead screamed, tears running down her face, "Don't come near me, do you understand?  You just stay away from me!!"

Rei bowed her head.  "I am… sorry, Asuka…" she whispered.

The only reply was the sound of running feet as the Second Child turned and fled, a thousand emotions pounding through her mind.  Confusion… fear… desire… hurt… longing… 

Love… betrayal…

Rei turned to stare at the now-silent form of Unit 01.  "We… won…" she whispered quietly, her voice hollow.

As if to mock her, a fleeting memory of Asuka's smile flashed through her mind… a vision she now knew she would never see again.

The sightless eyes of Kaworu Nagisa were the only ones that noticed the single tear that fell from the alcove high above terminal Dogma… making not so much as a plink as it landed on the gargantuan form of Evangelion Unit 01.

To be concluded…

Second Version Notes:  It's kinda hard to know where to start the notes for this version.  For anyone that's reading it for the first time, obviously, there won't be any change. For anyone rereading it (_do_ people reread this stuff?) it will be clear that 80% of it is the same, and the other 20% deals… with Kaworu.  My biggest complaint for this whole story arc, and my biggest self-criticism out of any of my stories, actually, was the portrayal of Kaworu in this chapter.  Do I need to list all the ways it was a bad move to have him (as one reviewer described it) a stock bad-guy?  Or is rewriting that section of the chapter penance enough?  Why did I decide to go ahead with a rewrite, pushing back the release of the last chapter by several days to do so?  *shrug* Find a copy of the original… you won't need to ask again. -_-

Pre-read thanks goes out to Ryoma.  Yes, yes… I know we already did this chapter, but don't you feel better about it now??  ^_^  Also pre-reading on this chapter, and providing some fanart for my page, is Ignatz.  Thanks to you to, my friend.  Hope you liked this version.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	7. One with You

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Fire and Ice

Part 7

One with You

By Random1377

"Why am I here?" Rei asked softly.

The figure in the bed offered no answer – indeed, Shinji did not even acknowledge the presence of the First Child in any way.

The blue-haired girl leaned forward and studied the Third Child's face closely. "I… do not have anyone that I may talk to, Ikari…" she whispered, "but I feel that I must talk to someone." She took a deep breath, "I did what I needed too, Shinji… was it not more important that the angel be defeated than Asuka be happy?"

Shinji found it both amusing and horribly frustrating that everyone seemed to be coming to his side to confess their sins and seek absolution – as if he could offer them anything but cold silence.

-Maybe that's what everyone wants,- he thought, longing to hold the sad girl close to him, -someone to just listen without judging them.-

"I wanted to make her happy," Rei continued, "even though we had not dated for long, all I wished for was to see her smiling."  She sighed, regarding the boy in the bed intently.  "I think, perhaps, that I regret…" she trailed off, reconsidering her words.  "Shinji," she whispered, "I hope that some day I might have the chance to speak with you again.  I regret that I could not appreciate you… that I pushed you away.  Some day, I hope to tell you that I care."

Shinji felt that he had never been so close to the brink of insanity.  –Nothing,- he thought madly, -nothing can be worse than this… God… I just want to come back!-

Slowly, Rei stood.  "I must go now," she told him, "I thought that by being with her I could change who I am and what I must do, but I no longer believe that to be true."

-Wait!- Shinji wanted to shout, -Stay here with me… don't go and… and…-  Even in his thoughts, he had to trail off.  He had no idea what Rei 'had' to do, but he certainly did not like the dispirited tone in her voice when she spoke of it.  –Rei,- he thought sadly as started for the door, -come back to me.  If you can't stay… come back to me – promise you'll come back to me!-

Rei paused with her hand on the door, her resolve wavering for a moment as she recalled the sound of Shinji's voice.  "Goodbye," she whispered, finally shaking off the sensation of comfort that tried to come over her.

Had he the ability, Shinji would have screamed out loud.

**

"It is begun."

Fuyutsuki nodded.  "So it seems," he replied, glancing at a running clock on the Commander's desk.  "It will be soon?"

"Before daybreak," Gendou murmured, "or, more likely, _at_ daybreak.  We have inconvenienced the council too long, old friend… they will come for what is theirs."

"Are we prepared?" the older man asked, running his forefinger idly over the surface of the great desk that dominated the center of the room.  "Should we… go to alert status?"

"It would not make a difference," the Commander retorted, waving a hand to dismiss the idea.  "I would guess that even now the city is taken."

"Cut off the escape routes first," Fuyutsuki mused, "of course."

"All that remains," the Commander said calmly, rising from his desk, "is to wait."

"On the command bridge, I assume?"

"Naturally," Gendou nodded.  "We must be present when the attack commences."

"To be seen," Fuyutsuki whispered, "so that the lower-level technicians do not lose heart… so they will fight while you conclude the scenario."

A faint hint of amusement crept into the younger man's voice.  "You do not approve?"

"If I do or do not," the Sub-Commander shrugged, "would it affect your decisions?"

Gendou said nothing, simply starting towards the door without a backward glance.

"Of course…" Fuyutsuki sighed.

Taking a final glance around the office, he followed the Commander to the bridge.  –Tell me this is for the best, Yui,- he thought tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he assumed his position at his former student's side.

-Or at least let me believe it when I say it myself.-

**

Three hours later, Maya stood quiet watch over Shinji's bed.  Unlike Rei, however, the brown-haired tech had no urge to break the silence in the room.  –He looks so fragile,- she thought sadly.  –The doctors say he's still… in there, but he can't get back.  Or else… he doesn't WANT to get back.-

"I'm sorry, Shinji," she whispered, speaking for the first time since entering the room.  "You did so much to protect us… and all we did was hurt you and your friends.  Touji…" she swallowed, forcing herself to speak, "Touji piloted Unit 01 better than I thought he would be able to… he really saved us."

She sat back in the visitor's chair.  –I feel so stupid,- she thought guiltily, -but don't they always say that people in comas sometimes come back when they hear the voice of someone they know? Yeah, ok, I don't know him that well, but he still-

Abruptly, the lights in the room cut out.

"What's happening?" Maya whispered, glancing around fearfully and reaching out in the dark to find Shinji's hand.

A scant thirty seconds later, the emergency lighting sprang to life… accompanied by the strident ringing of the alarm system at maximum alert.

Maya looked around the room, finding herself at a loss for what to do.  She knew she should get to the command deck, but she also felt a strong urge to stay by Shinji's side.  "I can't leave him alone," she decided finally, reaching out and brushing some hair off the boy's forehead.  "Besides… all the angels are gone, so they won't need me."  She frowned.  "But if it's not an angel, then-"

The door to the room opened with a bang, causing the young woman to cry out.

"Don't hurt him!" she begged, standing in front of the boy's bed and holding her arms out to the sides.  "Please!"

She clenched her eyes closed, waiting to die.  –The alarm,- she thought frantically, -someone's here to hurt us… I have to protect him – he deserves that!  If I have to-

"Lieutenant Ibuki," a very familiar, very tense sounding voice whispered, "thank god."

Cautiously, Maya opened her eyes.  "Major!"

Misato strode into the room, lowering her service pistol to her side and peering into Shinji's sleeping face.  "We're being attacked," she muttered, starting to unceremoniously yank the wires and sensors off the boy's body.  "Get out of here."

"Attacked?" Maya repeated, dumbfounded, "Another ange-"

"It's the Self Defense Force," Misato cut in sharply, never looking up from her task.  "After all we've done… our greatest enemy is man."

"But… but WHY??" the younger woman protested desperately.  "We won, didn't we?"

"They're after Unit 01."

Maya blinked.  "Unit… 01?"

"I have to find a place to hide him," Misato murmured, unconsciously stroking the boy's hair and tossing the last of the wiring to the side.  "Then I need to see if I can find Asuka and Rei – we have to fight back, and if we have to use the EVAs to do it… well… so be it."

Maya nodded, looking pale.  "I thought… with the last angel," she said hesitantly, "it would all be over… but it's all happening so fast," she shook her head, "I don't understand any of this…"

"It's only been 12 hours," Misato agreed, "talk about impatient."

"Why do they want EVA so bad, Major?" Maya asked slowly.  "I mean… if we give it to them, do you think-"

"No, Lieutenant," Misato cut in coolly, "I don't think they'll just let us go.  I guess you haven't seen the monitors… but they're killing everyone."  She met the other woman's eyes.  "Everyone."

The technician's shoulders slumped.  "Put Shinji in Unit 00…" she said quietly, "he'll be safe there."

Misato paused.  "I thought Unit 00 was destroyed by Asuka?"

Maya flushed slightly.  "Not destroyed," she murmured, "but close to it.  It was almost unsalvageable – and it was a bottom-of-the-list priority… but it's still the safest place for him."  She looked at the floor.  "The armor plates have been seventy five percent restored… and the life support systems are fully functional, though I don't think it can move yet."

Misato was dumbfounded.  "Maya…" she breathed, "have you been working on it??"

The young tech flushed brighter. "Yes. I just thought…" she shook her head, trying unsuccessfully to meet the Major's eyes, "I just thought I could help… I thought if I could restore Unit 00, I could make Sempai proud of me…"

Misato smiled.  "Maya," she said gently, "you know that you've saved Shinji's life, don't you? There's no way I could protect him in the base."

Maya's face was now a brilliant shade of crimson, "Ummm… you should get him there…" she said awkwardly.

Misato nodded, lifting the boy into her arms and resting his head against her shoulder. "If they find Rei," she said, moving towards the door, "get her to Unit 01.  I'm pretty sure I saw Asuka through one of the monitors, hiding out on one of the lower levels… so I'm going after her." She paused.  "And Maya… thank you."

"I… just wanted to make her proud of me," Maya replied, her voice barely audible.

"Well," Misato said firmly, "if she isn't by now then she's stupid."  She hesitated.  "You should get out of here," she said quietly, reaching awkwardly into her jacket pocket and extracting a thin, red card.  "Here," she handed the item to a confused Maya, "It's my Priority-Evac card – it'll get you into one of the emergency elevators… I don't think the JSSDF knows about those, since they were put in so recently." Her voice became hard and commanding. "Use it.  Now."

Maya simply nodded, staring at the card with wide eyes.

"Take care of yourself," Misato whispered.

When Maya looked up, the purple-haired woman was gone.

**

Asuka hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them and staring straight ahead.  "So this is what it's like," she muttered with some disgust.  "Running away isn't so bad…" she shivered, closing her eyes tightly.  "Kinda… cold, but not so bad."

-Some warrior I turned out to be,- she thought tiredly, -face to face with the enemy, and I couldn't even…-  Her thought trailed off.  

Enemy.  Angel.  Rei.

"I should hate her…" she whispered to herself.  "I should hate her for making me care."

What was most confusing to the redhead was the fact that, in spite of what her girlfriend had turned out to be, and in spite of the feeling of betrayal and pain in her chest… she could not bring herself to hate the blue-haired girl.  Rei was an angel – Asuka had seen her cancel another angel's AT field with her own eyes – yet, she was still the only person to push past Asuka's self-made barriers and reach her heart.

"Should have kept trying with Shinji," Asuka told herself sullenly, "maybe I could have convinced him…"

-Convinced him of what?- she thought bitterly, -That I care?  Please… even if I could, he never cared for me!  When I kissed him…-  She shivered.  –When I forced him to kiss me,- she thought slowly, refusing to lie to herself any longer, -I gave up any chance I ever had to--

"Second Child located," a strong, cold voice cut through her thoughts, "proceeding with termination."

-Shot like a dog…- Asuka thought as three camouflage-clad soldiers approached her hiding place under the stairs.  –I guess I deserve this, somehow… God, I don't want to die… but if I can't even spot the enemy when they're standing right…- she trailed off, rearranging her thoughts.  –If I can't even talk to her – to find out what she really is – then how can I even say I'm her girlfriend?  How can I even say I'm a good person, if I just run away when it's most important?  At least Shinji stood and fought when it really mattered…-

Further thought became pointless as the men reached her side.  She did not look up as one of them pressed his gun to her head. "Don't take this personally, kid…" he said softly.

The click of the hammer being drawn back was loud in the spacious hallway, making the other two soldiers flinch slightly.  None of them liked what they were doing, but as they had been told, this was for the greater good.  They looked away as their commanding officer hesitated, his resolve wavering for a moment before finally hardening and allowing him to start squeezing the trigger.

His hesitation cost him his life.

Two bullets caught the man in the side and head, a third shot taking one of the other soldiers in the stomach as a red and black blur streaked down the hallway.

Misato arrived with all the style of an old-fashioned action hero, slamming her right foot into the last man's stomach, then pushing his head back with the barrel of her gun.  "Don't worry," she growled, meeting the man's eyes, "she never takes anything personally."

Asuka barely even registered the sound of the last gunshot.  

"Let's go," Misato said flatly, staring down at the motionless girl.

"Go away," the redhead retorted listlessly.

"Like hell."

Asuka found herself being dragged to her feet, but offered no resistance.  On some level, she felt ashamed of her cowardice… but she could not find it in herself to do more than shuffle along.  She had opened her heart to another, and found herself betrayed.

As far as she could see, there was nothing left to fight, and nothing left to fight for. 

**

"So he's ok?"

Touji breathed a sigh of relief as the reply to his query came over the tactical network.  "That's right," Makoto's voice confirmed, crackling slightly from the interference of several miles of concrete and steel. "I just got a report from Major Katsuragi that Shinji's been secured in a safe location.  She didn't want to say where, just in case communications were being monitored, but she wanted to make sure that you knew."

"And you said there's another battalion on the other side of the Geofront, right?" Touji asked, shaking his head as Unit 01 crushed another of the attacking tanks.

He had been on the surface for a scant eight minutes, and in that time he estimated that he had killed over a hundred men.  –It's us or them,- he thought, trying not to feel sick as another tank fell to his borrowed Unit's immense fists.  –But as much as I hate to admit it… I kinda wish it was you in here, Shinji.  Killing angels is all well and good, but people – that's another story.  I don't think it would be easier for you…-  He sighed, creating bubbles in the LCL.  –But at least I wouldn't have to do it…-

It was a selfish thought, he readily admitted, but if a person could not indulge in at least a _little_ selfishness from time to time – especially when being forced to kill others in the name of survival – then why bother getting out of bed?  A dash of self-indulgence made life that much easier.

"I've got incoming contacts," Makoto reported suddenly.  "Coming in from the south… nine… airborne."

"Well," Touji murmured, looking around at the smoking remains of the tank battalion, "guess I don't have anything better to do… bring it on."

"I'll leave you to it," Makoto said quietly, not wanting to shock the boy too much by telling him what was coming, "Good luck…"

"Thanks," Touji replied, glancing up to the sky.  His eyes widened as he spotted the targets in the distance, gliding majestically towards him on enormous white wings.  "The EVA series?" he breathed, remembering the brief training Doctor Akagi had given him on the Units five weeks prior.  "It's been completed?"

He stood in dazzled uncertainty as the nine machines touched down all around him, their wings folding in on themselves and disappearing into their backs, and he hesitantly drew his progressive knife, his eyes going from it to the huge blades the others bore.

"Well," he whispered, addressing Unit 01 for the first time since entering it, "you saved Shinji's ass a few times… think you've got enough left in you to help me out?  Maybe a little berserk action, like, _now_?"  He shrugged as the white EVAs began advancing.  "Guess not.  Ok… I'll just have to kill them all myself."

Taking a deep breath, he tightened his grip on the controls.

"Unit 01, preparing to engage!"

**

"There it is," Misato sighed, coming to a stop.  "We'll get you into the emergency elevator, get you to the cages… and you'll be safe."

Asuka simply continued staring at the floor.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Misato murmured, trying to get a rise out of the girl.  "Nope – never would have thought that you'd give up, Asuka.  I always thought you would-"

She was cut off… not by the girl she was trying to bait, but by the harsh explosion of gunfire from the next level down.

"_Move_!"

Yanking Asuka's hand, she dashed for the elevator, but she was a moment too late.  A sharp gasp escaped her as one of the bullets buzzing angrily through the air found her back, and it was all she could do to stumble through the door and slam the button to close it.

"Misato…" Asuka breathed, finally shaking her head as if waking from a long dream. "You're…"

"It's… not that bad," Misato gasped, leaning against the wall for support.  "Get… in the elevator.  Get out of here, Asuka…"

"I can't just leave you!" the redhead protested, pushing past the realization that this was directly her fault.  Had she simply walked… this never would have happened.  "Come on, I'll help you."

She paled at the woman's next comment.

"You have to find Rei for me…" she managed, "get her somewhere safe."

"Why?" the redhead muttered sullenly, trying to close off her feelings once more.  "She's the enemy."

"She is what she is…" Misato said quietly, "and I know that she cares for you…"

Asuka looked into Misato's brown eyes, searching for the loathing and disapproval she feared must be there. "You knew about us?" she asked finally, looking away.

"I suspected," the Operations Director shrugged, grimacing slightly from the pain this action caused, "it's been quite a while since you've said anything bad about her… and you always smile when she's around, just a little."

"It's wrong, isn't it?" Asuka asked softly, "I'm not supposed to like girls… it's wrong…"

"You love who you love…" the purple-haired woman replied, "you can't _make_ yourself not love someone." She put her arms around the redhead and held her close, "I'm sure that she loves you too, Asuka… she was always more alive when you were around."

"I don't know what to do, Misato…" Asuka said brokenly, "she's not human… she's some type of freak…" she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "but I still want to be with her."

"That's what love is," Misato said simply, kissing Asuka's forehead, "if you really and truly love someone, nothing they do, nothing they are, nothing that anyone else says about them… matters even a tiny bit.  All that matters is how you feel, Asuka… so… how do you feel?"

"I love her…" Asuka replied plainly, "what she is scares me, and what other people will think scares me almost more than that." She sighed and stared at the floor, "But I do love her, Misato…"

"Then go to her."

The redhead gave a startled yelp as the older woman abruptly shoved her into the elevator.  "Misato, what-"

"Tell her I said hi," Misato smiled, pushing the button next to the door.

"Misat-"

Asuka's cry was cut short as the door slammed shut, initiating the elevator's emergency ascent program and sending it shooting towards the EVA cages.  "Mmmm…" the purple-haired woman sighed, turning around and leaning against the wall, "I guess I can say I've seen it all, now…"  She smiled, a thin line of blood running from the corner of her mouth down to her chin.

Carefully lowering herself to the floor, she closed her eyes, holding her smile as she imagined the redhead's subconsciously happy expression upon seeing the First Child.

"You said the truth was with me," she whispered, imagining that she could see Kaji standing in front of her.  "I told her the truth, right Kaji?  It doesn't matter who… you should never stop loving someone… right?"

She imagined that she could see her deceased lover smiling… as the world around her exploded into white heat.

**

Shinji could feel the LCL all over his body.  That was probably his second biggest curse throughout this ordeal – the ability to still feel.  –At least if I was a vegetable I wouldn't have felt every time they took blood,- he thought objectively.  –But I guess… I can still feel, so maybe I can find my way back somehow.-

He thought back over all of the confessions he had heard… all the pain and suffering he had left behind.

-Maybe it IS better this way,- he mused, -kinda funny… but I think, now, I'm closer to Asuka and Rei than I've ever been or ever would have been… kinda iron-

"Unit 01, preparing to engage!"

Shinji's thoughts came to an abrupt halt as the communication system in Unit 00 buzzed to life.

-Touji…?-

"Roger that, Unit 01," Makoto's voice returned, crackling with interference… and what sounded like gunfire.  "It's confirmed – there are nine, no more incoming as far as we can tell."

"Got it," Touji replied, "I'll take care of them."

-Nine?- Shinji thought with some agitation, -Nine enemies?  There's no way!  Oh God… he's going to get killed!!-

Harder than ever, Shinji struggled, trying to force his body to reply to his commands… but all of his efforts were in vain, as nothing happened.  In his mind's eye, he could see Unit 01 being torn apart by some unknown force, wrenched limb from limb as his friend screamed in pain.

"You wish to help him?"

Shinji's mind stilled as a softly feminine voice rang in his ears.

"Who are you?" he 'said' concentrating his thoughts.

"It does not matter," the voice answered, reverberating through his mind.  "Answer my question."

"Of… of course I want to help him," Shinji replied slowly, "he's my friend."

"Your body," the voice echoed, "you wish to be returned to it, yes?"

"Yes!" Shinji said emphatically, "I do!  Can you do that??"

"Exchange…" the voice responded, sounding vaguely pained, "every action… has an opposite reaction."

"What can I exchange?" the boy asked, seeing his hopes slowly fading away.  "I don't have anything."

For a moment, there was silence.  –I must have finally cracked,- Shinji thought.  –Hearing things that-

"Vengeance…" the voice whispered suddenly, "there is always vengeance. I will help you… you will execute my revenge…"

Shinji thought about it for a moment, feeling rather stunned at the intense note of hatred in the voice. "Revenge against who?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes or no?" came the cold reply.

It took him less than a second to decide.

Unit 00 rose, bearing the weight of the battleship on its shoulders and uttering a low, rumbling growl.  Shinji felt pain all through his body as the still-damaged machine pushed itself to operate… trying to give all that it had – and more.

Shinji scanned the countryside, looking for Unit 01.  "Where are you?" he whispered softly, absently tilting the battleship to catch a salvo of missiles launched from a battalion of tanks on the shore.  His eyes narrowed as the blue mecha was pelted by round after round of mortar fire, "If that's the way you want it…"

Awkwardly, the giant machine threw the ship up onto the shore, crushing the entire tank squad.  Shinji frowned, saddened that he was now forced to use the EVA to kill… but knowing that he must.

He brought the Unit onto the shore, thinking of the unstated price, and what he would do when the time came to pay it.  –I had no choice,- he told himself firmly, wondering if the voice would correct him, -I can't let everyone die.-

A squad of VTOLs swarmed him, firing desperately. "I won't surrender…" he whispered, destroying them one by one, "to you… or anyone."  Finally, he caught sight of Unit 01, fighting desperately with what looked like five white EVAs.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Vengeance," he said softly, "isn't that what you said?"  Getting no reply from the machine, he shook his head.  "Ok… then let's get it over with…" he thrust the control yokes forward, willing Unit 00 into motion.

**

Touji was sweating – a feat he hadn't thought possible while surrounded by the thick LCL that filled the entry plug.  "Damn it!" he gasped in frustration, "Why won't you DIE?!?"

Four of the mecha had fallen, lying motionless around the battlefield in various states of damage, but there were still five left, and they kept trying to circle him, an obvious pattern to their movements… a pattern Touji felt he almost recognized.

He grunted, a small grin appearing on his face as one of the white Units fell, taken down by a sharp twist of Unit 01's hands, neatly breaking its neck.  "Who needs a high sync rate?" he panted.

The answer to that question came as two of the other EVAs charged, swinging their broad weapons directly at the one Touji had commandeered from one of their fallen comrades.

There was an enormous ringing sound as the blades met, sending the Fourth Child's careening off to land upright in the dirt.  "Damn!" he cursed, backing Unit 01 up as the white machines slowly advanced, moving to encircle him.  He blinked as his Unit suddenly stopped moving.  "What the hell?" he whispered, yanking on the control yokes with rapidly increasing fear.

He clapped his hands over his ears as a second, louder ring echoed through the cockpit, and his mouth went dry as he gazed out at the other EVAs, finding them all encased in a softly glowing ring of light.

They had completed their pattern.

"No," he gasped, pulling frantically on the controls as the Units he had destroyed slowly rose to their feet, broken bones and rent flesh mending before his eyes as they unfurled their wings.

As one, they beat their wings, hurling themselves into the sky and carrying Unit 01 in the center of their awful, familiar pattern.

"Sorry…" Touji whispered, slumping in his seat and putting his head in his hands, "I'm sorry, everyone…"

Abruptly, the sensation of movement ceased.  Or, more precisely, reversed.

Touji pulled his hands away from his eyes, barely grasping the controls in time to right Unit 01's angle as it fell back to the earth.  He looked around, trying to get his bearings.  "What hap- YES!!"

Like a war god from an old oil painting, Unit 00 stood over one of the fallen white mecha, the sun gleaming off its broken, imperfect armor plates as it yanked its progressive knife free and dropped into a low, defensive crouch.

"Ayanami!" he laughed, "Man am I glad to see you."

"N..t…yan…mi…" the broken reply came back to him.  "…inji."

"Shinji?" Touji echoed softly, quickly moving to Unit 00's side as the white EVAs touched back down.  "Is it really you!?"

"No time," Shinji replied, his voice clearer now that they were closer.  "Here they come."

"Hey," Touji said quickly, "they get back up – they can fix themselves, or something."  He paused, then added, "Damn, it's good to hear your voice!"

"Thanks," Shinji answered, his tone indicating a smile, "it's nice to _have_ a voice." There was a moment of silence as he thought, broken when he murmured, "Go for the core.  They can't fix themselves if there's nothing left to fix, right?"

"Right!" Touji nodded.  "Alright, you freaks!" he shouted, bracing himself as the white EVAs began cautiously approaching, "Let's go!"

With renewed enthusiasm, energy, and hope, the battle was rejoined.

**

Rei stood in the heart of Terminal Dogma, gazing up with rapt attention at the huge form of the second Angel.  "If it all returns to nothing," she whispered quietly, "perhaps it will take the pain away.  Would you believe that, Asuka?"  She lowered her eyes, staring at the floor as a quiet footstep sounded behind her.  "Perhaps Complementation can offer you the happiness I could not…"

"It is unlike you to talk to yourself," a voice spoke behind her.  "It is time, Rei."

The First Child turned, completely unsurprised to find her commander standing behind her, slowly removing his gloves.  "Yes," she murmured.  "I have been… preoccupied lately Commander.  I apologize."

"I have noticed," Gendou replied calmly.  "Your… relationship was not unobserved."

"I see," Rei nodded.

"You were rejected," the Commander said softly.

"Yes," the girl confirmed, keeping her emotions in check as she had been taught to since her youth.  "I have read that love will conquer all," she said quietly, for the first time in her life feeling the need to express herself to her commander, "but it seems… that is not the case."

"You love the Second Child?" Gendou asked, finding himself mildly interested in spite of the pressing need to accomplish his own agenda.

He knew of the relationship between the two pilots, of course.  They had been exceedingly careful, and he doubted anyone outside of Section Two and Fuyutsuki knew of it, but he did not maintain his status as the commander of the most powerful secret agency in the world by letting details as seemingly trivial as a small fling escape his attention, because what you do not know _can_ hurt you.

What he had not known, mostly since it did not strike him as terribly important, was that the two were in love.

"Yes," Rei replied after a brief pause.  "I… love Asuka."  She shook herself slightly.  "But it seems that love is not enough, so I suppose… there is nothing remaining but to fulfill my purpose."

Gendou nodded.  "You are correct," he told her smoothly.  "Through Instrumentality, you will both-"

"I think I've heard enough."

The Commander turned towards the sound of the intruding voice.  "Doctor Akagi," he murmured, narrowing his eyes as the Project-E director rose from the shadows at the edge of the LCL lake and aimed a small pistol towards him.  "I would have expected you to be on the bridge, protecting the MAGI… with supervision, of course."

"There is a firewall in place," Ritsuko replied coolly.  "Since it is self-sufficient, and since there are other considerations to take into account…" she smiled, "my guard was a bit remiss in his duties."

"So you felt the need to come here," Gendou mused, "to settle your score with the First Child for your perceived slight."

"No," the blonde growled, "not anymore.  I _did_ come here to kill her… I won't deny that.  I thought the reason you weren't happy was because of her – because you always chose her."  She stepped away from the edge of the LCL pool, her eyes never leaving the commander's.  "Then she started talking about Asuka…" she murmured, "and love… and being rejected… and I realized it was you – it was always _you_ that chose her, that wasn't her fault, Gendou!"

"Love," Gendou murmured, "how moving."

Ritsuko scowled, keeping the gun trained on the man as she looked towards the ceiling.  "Mother," she called, "hear a loving daughter's last request… and die with me."

She closed her eyes, triggering the handheld in her pocket to activate the explosive charges located throughout the base.  When nothing happened, she slowly opened her eyes, glancing down at the device with disbelief and lowering her weapon.

"Caspar betrayed me," she whispered with shocked horror, "mother… how could you choose your lover over your own daughter??"

A soft click drew her attention.

"Doctor Akagi," Gendou murmured, leveling the pistol in his hand at the woman's chest.  "Honestly…"

Ritsuko looked surprised at his whispered declaration, swallowing with some difficulty before replying, "Liar…"

Rei never blinked as the woman's body was flung backwards, sprawling on the floor at an unhealthy angle.  She spared her a final glance as Gendou approached, however, the barest hint of a frown on her face.  –Interesting…-

"Now then," Gendou grumbled, turning to face the First Child, "Is there any reason we should not proceed?"

Though it was a rhetorical question, the blue-haired girl shook her head.  "No," she whispered, turning from Ritsuko to face the Commander, "there is not…"

"Don't."

Rei's eyes flew to the doorway and widened as a red-clad figure slowly made its way into the room.  "Asuka…?"

"Don't," the redhead repeated, approaching the two slowly but surely and drawing in a deep, wavering breath, "don't… leave me," she whispered, "please."

"Why are you here?" the Commander demanded, his patience wearing thin at this newest impediment. "You should-"

"I am sorry," Rei said quietly, ignoring Gendou and turning her eyes to Ritsuko's lab coat, noting the spreading crimson spot on the front. "I did not have the strength to tell you… I was so afraid of what you would think of me.  Now… it would be best to continue this way."

"Damn it!" Gendou snapped, reaching into his pocket, "Get to your Unit, or-"

"No," Asuka murmured, forcing her eyes to stay on her girlfriend's face, "I'm the one who should say I'm sorry.  I didn't even listen to you… or bother to find out for sure what was true.  I got," she drew a shuddering breath, gesturing to her plugsuit with a sickly smile, "I got all the way to the cages, and I even got all dressed – like there was something I could do besides sit around… but in the end, all I could think about was seeing you. I knew I would find you here, so…"  She slowly lowered herself to her knees, bowing her head.  "Please forgive me," she whispered, her voice barely audible as her face flushed with shame, "please.  I lo-"

In all of her life, Rei had never been listening as closely as she was when Asuka began to express her love.  And so it was that she heard the soft rustle of cloth, the dry click of a hammer being drawn back, and the mechanical ratcheting of a firing mechanism being engaged.

Her mouth was open to cry out even as the gun in Commander Ikari's hand went off, sending its deadly messenger hurtling down the short barrel and towards the penitent girl in front of her.

She tried.  Oh how hard she tried to will that marvelous field into existence in time, to catch the bullet before it could reach the one that meant the most to her.

But time is cruel.  Time does not stop for wishes, or second chances.  Time does not let you make up for mistakes, or take things back.

Time does not care for love.

"_NO!!_"

Rei's AT field distorted the air in front of Asuka precisely one second after the bullet had completed its deadly journey. There were no more words of apology.  No tear-jerking final moments wherein the redhead confessed that her love was true.  There was merely a hollow thumping sound as the lead slug entered her body, followed a moment later by the sliding sound of neoprene on neoprene as she slumped to the floor.

"Now then," Gendou muttered calmly, slipping the pistol back into his pocket, "let us begin."

"This is not real," Rei breathed, staring down at the still form less than ten feet from her, "this cannot be real."

Asuka did not stir.

"Asuka?" the First whispered, taking a hesitant step towards the inert form.  "As…uka…?"

"It's done, Rei," Gendou said coldly.  "All obstacles have been removed.  Let us go now."

-Help her,- Rei thought, unable to look away.  –There must be some way to help her… to save her. Please… someone… anyone…-

"Rei," Gendou grated, "now!"

"Come to me," Rei whispered, her mind whirling with names and images, "come to me…"

"What are you muttering?" Gendou demanded.

-Come to me,- Rei's mind begged, -brothersonfriend… come… come to me now.-

She closed her eyes.

_Asuka… broken and alone after the fifteenth angel's attack._

-Come to me.-

_Asuka… asking her to be her girlfriend._

-Come to me!-

_Asuka… on the edge of expressing her love._

-COME TO ME!-

Image after image flooded the First Child's mind, each punctuated by the simple request – the simple _demand_, growing in strength and intensity until it could be contained no longer.

Gendou's mouth compressed into a thin line, and he reached out for the girl, intending to shake some sense into her… but before he could reach her, her eyes opened once more and she screamed.

"_COME TO ME NOW!_"

**

Shinji screamed as Unit 00 drove its knife into one of the white EVA's chest, forcing it deeper as the creature thrashed under the weight of his mecha.  "That's one more," he called as EVA finally stilled, "just two more to go!"

"One more," Touji replied, bringing Unit 01 back to its feet, its hands covered in blood and internal fluids.  "There's only one more, Shinji."

"Together, then?" Shinji asked, on the verge of laughing with elation.

It had been a tough fight.  The mass production Evangelions had not gone down easily, and both of the older units had sustained a fair amount of damage… but the end was in sight.  Soon it would all be over.

Touji was grinning.  "Sounds good to me," he chuckled, "maybe we can each take an arm and… pull…" he trailed off into silence, leaving nothing but dead air for thirty seconds.

"What's wrong?" Shinji asked, concerned by his friend's sudden quiet.  "Touji?"

The athletic boy did not reply for a moment, and when he did speak, the weight of his words killed any mood of good cheer the two shared.  "I'll finish this," he said quietly, turning Unit 01 to face the final white EVA.  "You need to go."

"Go where?" the Third Child snorted, "I can't get Unit 00 down the hallways in headquarters…" his voice grew softer, "I can't help the people inside… where am I supposed to go?"

"Terminal Dogma," Touji said calmly.  "And you need to get there fast.  I'll take care of this guy, then I'm gonna take Unit 01… set the self-destruct for fifteen minutes… and activate the dummy-plug with directions to move at top speed into the bottom of the ocean."  His voice grew exasperated. "Or something like that, but after this – no one is going to use her to kill again."

"What are you talking about?" Shinji demanded.  "Touji, I don't-"

"Trust me," the other boy cut in quickly, "I just… you should get there – don't ask me why, I really don't know!  All I know is that you have to go."  He narrowed his eyes as the last EVA dropped into a low crouch, its body tense as if preparing to spring.  "Trust.  Me," he said firmly.

"I trust you," Shinji whispered, turning Unit 00 away.  "I just don't understand…"

"That's ok," Touji grinned, "I don't either.  Goodbye, Shinji."

Shinji flinched.  "G-goodbye…"

Touji sighed as the blue mecha began moving off towards its destination.  "Damn it," he muttered angrily, bracing Unit 01 for combat, "I hope I did the right thing."

Though he had no concrete idea of why he had sent Shinji into the heart of NERV, he felt that it was right.  There had been no voice, whispering, 'I need you,' or anything as dramatic as that, but he could testify to feeling a strong, unmistakable intuition.  And Touji always trusted his intuition.

"Intuition's been wrong before," he mumbled, his eyes narrowing as the white EVA reared up and began its attack, "guess it's up to God… how funny."

There was no more time for thought.  The final battle was joined.  

It was a quick, brutal fight, with neither of the gargantuan opponents giving even an inch as they traded blows powerful enough to level buildings.  Ultimately, the two giants fell to the ground, vying for position as they scrabbled and clawed at one another until finally, one Unit found its hands around the throat of the other, squeezing and twisting until there was a sharp snap… then plunging its fists into the still form to ensure that the task was complete.

Slowly, the victor rose, turning to scan the countryside for a moment before moving quickly, unerringly… towards the ocean.

**

Silence dominated the scene for five full minutes as Gendou simply stared, completely unable to believe what was happening.  Never before had he heard the blue-haired girl's voice so loud.  She hardly ever spoke above a whisper, and she had never even shouted, let alone _screamed_.

Finally, the Commander shook his head.  "It is over," he said flatly.  "She rejected you, Rei, she-"

"She loved me…"

Gendou's jaw dropped open.  –Did she just… interrupt me??- he thought angrily.

"She loved me," Rei repeated, taking a step towards Asuka.  "I must go to her…"

"No!" the Commander ordered suddenly.  "Your purpose is to bring about the Complementation of man – that is why you exist, Rei, not to pine over a silly love affair with a girl that never truly cared for you!"

Rei paused, slowly turning to look over her shoulder.  "I…" she whispered softly, "am not your doll.  I love Asuka, and I will not allow her to die."

Gendou stared in disbelief as the girl calmly walked over and knelt at the Second Child's side.  "You," he bit out, his body shaking with rage, "will do… what you are _told_!"  He turned his hand over, staring at the single, visible eye of Adam (grafted into his palm five weeks prior) and trying to regain his composure.  "I did not want it to come to this," he told her, straightening his back and taking a step towards her, "but you leave me no choice.  If you will not willingly surrender Lillith's essence and begin Instrumentality… then I will simply take it from you."

Rei nodded, then closed her eyes, a soft smile appearing on her lips.

"Why are you smiling?" Gendou demanded.

The First Child opened her eyes, reaching out to stroke Asuka's hair as she replied.

"Ikari is coming…"

The Commander blinked.  "What?"

Rei continued to run her fingers lightly over her fallen girlfriend's features, gently exploring her face with diligence and care.  "Shinji," she replied quietly, "though all he has experienced is pain… he is still coming."  She smiled softly.  "Perhaps love is strong enough to-"

"Shut up."

Rei looked up, unable to resist the draw of pure, unbridled fury in her commander's voice.

"No one is coming," Gendou told her coldly, "Shinji ran away from reality, and chose not to return – he is not coming back.  And she," he tilted his head towards the still form on the floor, "would never truly accept you under any circumstances, because she is incapable of allowing anyone close to her."  He nodded as the girl averted her eyes.  "It's true," he said quietly, "her psychiatric evaluation gauged her ability to connect with others at a three out of fifteen.  Even if she survives, she will never… love... you."

Rei shivered at the cold certainty in the man's voice, but still, she refused to leave Asuka's side.  "You are wrong," she managed, fighting the memory of the redhead tearing her hand away and leaving her behind.  "People can change.  Love can chan-"

"Love means nothing," Gendou spat.  "Enough of this!  It is time, Rei!"

The First Child closed her eyes, slipping her arms around her girlfriend.  –Wait for me,- she thought sadly, -I will be with you soon, Asuka.-

Instinctively, she raised AT field… but she knew it was a futile gesture.  She could feel the presence of the first angel radiating out from the commander's hand, and she knew its power was greater than her own, so she simply held Asuka close to her, gently pressing her lips to her forehead.

As the commander began walking towards her, she became aware of a rhythmic pounding, growing in strength and intensity.  –That sounds like…-

Gendou frowned as the girl looked up suddenly, her eyes darting to the far side of the chamber.  He followed her gaze, his eyes widening as the wall nearest them buckled, allowing a hulking blue form to come crashing into Terminal Dogma.

"Impossible!"

His cry was drowned out as Unit 00 rose to its full height, its single eye half exposed through a crack in the helmet as it focused on the small cluster of people in the center of the room.  Slowly, obviously operating with much difficulty, it started towards them.

Rei glanced up at the commander, blinking as she found his shock being replaced by a cold sneer.

"It is too late," he said quietly, looking down at the First Child.  "Instrumentality will happen now – nothing can stop it."

Rei closed her eyes as he reached out, Adam's mere presence sapping her will to live and leaving her feeling drained and breathless.

"Father!"

Gendou paused, looking up once more to the steadily advancing mecha.  "There is no other way," he called, turning his attention back to Rei, "Mankind's time is up… and I need my Yui…"

Rei cried out as the Commander's hand touched her throat, hesitating only a moment before sinking in, the power of the angel making her skin weak and malleable.

"NO!" Shinji's voice boomed.

Rei's eyes were wide from the pain the angel's intrusion was causing… so she was the only one to see exactly what happened.  All at once, seemingly fueled by Shinji's fear and anger, Unit 00 reached over its shoulder and tore off a small piece of its right fin, hurling it across the room like a makeshift shiriken.

The aim was perfect.

The results… unexpected.

Somehow sensing the attack, Gendou pulled his hand from Rei's throat and shot to his feet, holding his palm in front of him to block the blow with Adam's AT field… but, for the first time since becoming commander, he did not take every factor into account.  He knew that Rei was manifesting her AT field, and he knew that Adam's was stronger and could overwhelm it, but what he did not take into account was that, by neutralizing _her_ field, he had weakened his own.

The fragment of Unit 00 encountered Adam's AT field at over three hundred miles per hour… and it penetrated it at a paltry twenty-five.

Rei flinched, averting her eyes as the piece of metal slammed into the man, sending him flying backwards to land in a heap five feet from Doctor Akagi.

And for a moment, all was quiet.

**

Shinji stared in wide-eyed horror, his mouth gaping open as he panted in LCL.  "What have I done?" he gasped.

It was tempting to try to flee once more – to force his mind to shut back down and escape the responsibility of his actions… but there was no more retreating.  He shook himself, willing Unit 00 to start forward again, _needing _to reach Asuka and Rei.

-I have to save them,- he thought determinedly, -after all of this, I have to save them… or I might as well have stayed in a coma!-

Reaching the shore, he levered the great machine up, frowning as it seemed to waver.  "Come on," he whispered, trying to coax the thing to continue its forward motion, "once we get them out, I'll get your vengeance for you… so come on!"

In his mind, he thought he could hear the vaguest hint of a sigh… and then Unit 00 was falling.

Quickly, he keyed in the sequence to eject the plug, gasping with relief as the blue mecha fell to the ground, the plug spinning out if its back and venting its supply of LCL.  With shaking hands, he opened the hatch, climbing quickly but awkwardly down to the floor, landing beside Ritsuko.

As he turned, sparing his father a final, regretful glance, a voice whispered, "Finally… came for me…"

He spun around.  "Doctor Akagi!"

The blonde was still lying on her stomach, her hands concealed under her as she craned her neck to look up at the boy.  "Help… me for a second…"

Shinji nodded, crouching at her side and helping her force her way up to a sitting position.  Her right hand, he noticed, was clutched around a small computer device, the word, 'Execute?' flashing in red on its screen.  He gasped as the woman slowly, painfully crawled over to where Gendou lay, pressing her head against his chest and closing her eyes.

"He's… alive…" she sighed, opening her eyes and glancing up at the boy, "but I'd say… not for long, Shinji.  I'm sorry."

"I… didn't even think," Shinji managed, "I just… he was hurting Rei… I didn't even think…"

"You should get out of here," Ritsuko whispered, forcing herself up to a sitting position and laying a hand on Gendou's chest.  "You can't do anything for him."  Her eyes flicked to the still form of Unit 00, and she added – almost as an afterthought, "Bet she was happy to see me in a pool of my own blood…"

Shinji looked uncertainly over his shoulder.  "I don't… understand…"__

"It… doesn't matter," Ritsuko managed, coughing weakly.  "Shinji, listen…" she met the boy's gaze straight on, "The self-destruct has been activated.  There's an escape elevator over there… take Rei and go…"

"Come with us," Shinji entreated, trying not to look at his father, "you can-"

"Shinji," the blonde cut in, "Rei needs to be free – not me.  Do you understand?  She needs to escape here more than I do, and I would weigh you down. Besides…" she coughed again, a line of blood running from the corner of her mouth, "I would just be prolonging it…"  When Shinji still hesitated, she narrowed her eyes.  "I didn't just crash the Magi's defenses and reprogram Caspar so you could gape, Ikari – GO NOW!!"

"Y-yes ma'am…"

Slipping slightly on the damp floor, Shinji dashed over to where the First Child knelt over the Second.   "Come on!" he cried, holding his hand out to the girl as the blonde's words truly sank into his consciousness.  "We have to go, Rei – there's no time!"

"I will not leave her…" Rei replied, cradling Asuka's head to her chest, "I will not."

Shinji looked at the girl pityingly, swallowing as he whispered, "She's gone, Rei…"

Rei closed her eyes, bowing her head and tightening her grip even more.  "I… will… not… leave her…"

The brown-haired boy looked from the two girls to the elevator door and back, feeling the each second tick by like a tap on his soul.

"Alright…"

Rei's eyes snapped back open as she heard footsteps slowly approaching her, and felt Asuka's body being tugged from her grasp.  "N-no…" she pleaded, trying to hold tighter to the plugsuit's slippery fabric, "she-"

"I'll carry her."

Rei looked up hesitantly.

"I'll carry her, Rei," Shinji repeated quietly, pulling Asuka into his arms and resting her head against his shoulder.  "I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you – and her – but I will _not_ see you die, Rei…"  He slowly rose to his feet.  "She'll come with us," he whispered gently, "Maybe… maybe the doctors can still do something for her…"

Uncertainly, Rei nodded.  "Thank you, Shinji…"

"Come on," he replied softly, averting his eyes, "we have to try to find help…"

"You are right," Rei whispered levelly, "of course, you are right – I cannot help her from here… let us go."

"Yeah," Shinji murmured, pulling Asuka's limp body closer to his chest.

They hurried towards the elevator, leaving Unit 00, Gendou, Ritsuko, and Lillith behind them.  Shinji kept silent as they moved, deciding to keep his comments and observations to himself.  There was no need to tell Rei how very little hope he had for the redhead in his arms… no need to tell her that he couldn't feel her breathing, or find a pulse through the thin fabric of her plugsuit… 

No need to tell Rei that the heart monitor on Asuka's wrist had not flashed once since he had arrived.

She probably already knew, on some level anyway.

"Hold on," Rei whispered as they entered the elevator and pushed the button marked simply: surface.  "Do not leave me, Asuka."

Shinji had to face the wall, unable to wipe his damp eyes as he cradled the still, silent form of the Second Child.

In Terminal Dogma, all was silent.  Ritsuko ran her fingers idly through her lover's hair, wondering how things had gone so very, very wrong.  "Why couldn't it be me?" she whispered sadly, "Why couldn't you choose me just… once – that's all I ever would have needed, Gendou.  Just one night without hearing her name.  Just one evening without going over her vitals.  Just one, single, solitary day where you were all mine… and I would have died happy…"

A low-pitched whine drew her attention.

"Still trying?" she asked lightly, wiping an errant runnel of blood from her chin as she met Unit 00's single, glowing optical sensor.  "Ha," she snorted as the blue machine began laboriously crawling towards her.  "I thought I was hopeless – but you… you couldn't even let go in death."  She shook her head.  "Pathetic."

Unit 00 pushed itself to its feet, a dangerous growl issuing from somewhere in its massive frame.

"Well," Ritsuko coughed, trying to blink away the black spots that danced through her field of vision, "you'll get your wish…" her lips pulled away from her teeth in a feral snarl.  "Hag!"  Unit 00 roared with anger, staggering towards the doctor with an unsteady, rolling gait.

It was still roaring when Ritsuko activated the self-destruct charges.

**

"Is that your final report, Mister Ikari?"

Shinji stood rigidly at attention, trying not to sweat under the harsh, blinding light shinning down on him.  "That's everything, sir," he said levelly, "after I'd made it to the surface, I felt the explosive charges go off."

"So you can confirm," the disembodied voice pressed, "that Gendou Ikari, Ritsuko Akagi, Misato Katsuragi, Rei Ayanami, and Asuka Souryu were all killed?"

"Yes sir," Shinji replied softly, "all of them."

"And Evangelion Units 01, 02, and 00?" the voice demanded.

"Units 00 and 02 were in NERV when it was destroyed," Shinji answered uneasily.

"And what of Evangelion Unit 01 and its acting pilot, Touji Suzuhara?"

Shinji lowered his eyes, knowing from other reports that all communications in the area had been lost when Tokyo-3 was leveled… so, in a way, his word was law.  "I have not seen them since the last battle, sir," he whispered, "I think that Touji must have taken Unit 01 into NERV to try to rescue-"

"I am not interested in your opinions, Mister Ikari," the voice cut in sharply, "only facts!"

"Then… I have no answer," the boy murmured, "the last time I saw Unit 01, it was engaging one of the Production Model Evangelions."

"I see."

There was a moment of silence.  –If Unit 01 blew up, though,- the boy thought suddenly, -Even at the bottom of the ocean, they would have some record of the explosion, right?-  He smiled, -Then Touji's probably somewhere-

"There is one last question," the voice boomed suddenly, making Shinji jump.

"Y-yes sir?" he stammered.

"The escape elevator you were found near," the voice asked, sounding low and dangerous, "there was a small amount of blood in it.  This blood is a genetic match to Asuka Souryu's, yet you claim she was killed in the explosion.  Explain."

Shinji took a deep breath.  "Asuka was shot before the explosion," he whispered, "I tried to save her, but I couldn't."  He stared straight ahead.  "The blood was from my hands…"

"That's all you have to say on the matter?" the voice asked slowly.

"Yes sir."

"Very well," the voice answered, sounding faintly amused, "you are dismissed, Pilot Ikari – but be aware.  Though the Evangelions are gone, and NERV is no more, you will still consider yourself in our service, and we will still watch over your… wellbeing…"

Shinji lowered his eyes.  –In other words,- he thought, bowing formally, -I'm still your pawn, and you'll watch every move I make until you decide that I'm not a threat anymore…-

After a moment of silence, the monolith winked out of existence, leaving Shinji to his thoughts.

Epilogue:

_The young woman steps out of her apartment, locking it behind her and brushing an errant strand of hair back over her left ear.  In many ways, she has changed.  Affection comes easier for her now, as does speaking her mind and having her own opinions.  No longer is she a tool to be used by others._

_Slowly, she makes her way down the rebuilt streets of Tokyo-3, moving towards a well-known, if not well-loved destination._

_Her crimson eyes have seen much.  Her fragile heart has felt much.  Her extraordinary mind has comprehended more than scholars three times her age.  She has seen relationships come and go, seen hearts torn apart as she stood helpless on the sidelines.  She has watched the tender Third Child's painful recovery, both physical and emotional.  Seen him fumble with love and be rejected so very many times before finally finding it in the arms of an outspoken, vivacious young woman… a woman unwilling to allow him the luxury of self-pity._

_She has seen the Fourth, often abrasive, but more often caring, push away at those around him time and time again before taking solace in the company of his sister, and his sometime girlfriend… but even then refusing to let anyone truly know him.  She has seen friends come and go, whirling through her life like leaves in a lazy stream._

_So many relationships made and broken.  Sometimes by her… sometimes by them.  And throughout, only two have remained constant._

_"I am here."_

_A soft whisper announces her arrival._

The Tokyo-3 public memorial is a structure built to remind the survivors of Third Impact of those that were not so fortunate.  The woman ran her fingers over the names on the pyramid, carved in the likeness of NERV HQ… the place where the most people lost their lives.

Finally, she found the name she sought, kneeling before it and bowing her head.

"I am here," she repeated, closing her eyes tightly.  She tilted her head to the side, smiling as a light wind picked up, running over her face like a lover's touch.  "Shinji sends his love," she whispered, her fingers playing over the engraved surface.  "He said he is sorry that he cannot be here, but… well… you know that he has found another, don't you?  Yes… I am sure that you do…" she sighed.  "I believe it is hard for him to see me, sometimes, but for him to keep coming here, well… I do not begrudge him his desire to move on."

Taking a calming breath, Rei opened her eyes.

"But I know… why you could not come back," she whispered, swallowing unevenly.  "I finally realized why you could not make it back.  Shinji explained it to me.  He told me that if we had allowed the Impact to complete, you could have come back.  He explained that, had we let it all go according to the scenario, anyone with the will to live could have returned.  And I know you had the will."  Her eyes followed the graceful curve of the tombstone as she whispered, "Had I known… I might have allowed Complementation to commence.  Perhaps I would be with you now."  She took another breath, making herself smile.  "I am going to try to live," she said quietly, "For you, I will try."

She rose to her feet, shivering now in the stiffening breeze and wrapping her arms around herself.

"Shinji invited me over for dinner," she murmured, trying her best to avoid the name on the epitaph… failing entirely.  "So… I shall go."

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips briefly to the cool stone. 

"I miss you," she whispered, feeling the tears beginning to fall.  "I miss you, Asuka."

Slowly, she straightened… and walked away from her lover's memorial.

Second Child – Asuka Langley Souryu.  Hero of the war.  Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02.  Beloved daughter and loved one.  Taken before her time.  You are always remembered, by those you saved and those who knew you.  Especially by those who knew you.

The End

Author's notes: a word on why this chapter took so long, since I actually _do_ have a good reason.  When this story began, I admit, I didn't have a clear vision for the ending.  I even thought (briefly) of ending with a wedding. *shrug*  I went between happy and sad endings just about every time I opened the last chapter, and I just couldn't decide how to end it.  Then I got a review of one of the chapters, I believe it was 6, that asked, 'Is this just fluff, or are you trying to say something with all this?'  So I decided… that I was trying to say something.  Once I figured that out, a lot of the rest of the plot fell into place – from Misato and Asuka's conversation in the elevator room, to Asuka being shot, to Rei's desperate call for Shinji, I had a storm of ideas.  So why did it take so long to get out if that review was posted months ago?  Easy – I was lacking inspiration.  I knew where I wanted to go, but lacked the inspiration and drive to get there… so I waited until it hit, and wrote when I was 'feeling it.'  Hopefully this produced a superior story, but I guess that's for you to decide.  What _was_ the message of the story?  Ask Misato…

One more thing – this is the original ending as it came to me.  I tried (really hard, actually) to force a nice, happy, 'Asuka turns out to be alive and she and Rei live happily ever after, relying on each other's strength to face the adversity of the world' type ending.  But it felt about as flat as a glass of week-old Coke.

Pre-read was done once again by Ryoma, so big thanks to him.  One more down, my friend… one more down.  Also had pre-read help by Ignatz – so big thanks to him as well.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


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